programmerexcuses.com Snapshot

gistfile1.txt

 Actually, that's a feature
 Did you check for a virus on your system?
 Don't worry, that value is only wrong half of the time
 Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
 Everything looks fine my end
 How is that possible?
 I broke that deliberately to do some testing
 I can have a look but there's a lot of if statements in that code!
 I can't make that a priority right now
 I can't test everything
 I couldn't find any examples of how that can be done anywhere else in the project
 I couldn't find any examples of how that can be done anywhere online
 I couldn't find any library that can even do that
 I did a quick fix last time but it broke when we rebooted
 I didn't anticipate that I would make any errors
 I didn't create that part of the program
 I didn't receive a ticket for it
 I forgot to commit the code that fixes that
 I had to do the project backwards as people demanded results out of order
 I have never seen that before in my life
 I have too many other high priority things to do right now
 I haven't been able to reproduce that
 I haven't had any experience with that before
 I haven't had the chance to run that code yet
 I haven't touched that code in weeks
 I heard there was a solar flare today
 I must have been stress testing our production server
 I must not have understood what you were asking for
 I thought I finished that
 I thought I fixed that
 I thought he knew the context of what I was talking about
 I thought you signed off on that?
 I told you yesterday it would be done by the end of today
 I usually get a notification when that happens
 I was just fixing that
 I was told to stop working on that when something important came up
 I'll have to fix that at a later date
 I'm not familiar with it so I didn't fix it in case I made it worse
 I'm not getting any error codes
 I'm not sure as I've never had a look at how that works before
 I'm still working on that as we speak
 I'm surprised it works as well as it does
 I'm surprised that was working at all
 In the interest of efficiency I only check my email for that on a Friday
 It can't be broken, it passes all unit tests
 It must be a firewall issue
 It must be a hardware problem
 It must be because of a leap second
 It must be because of a leap year
 It probably won't happen again
 It was working in my head
 It worked yesterday
 It works for me
 It works, but it's not been tested
 It would have taken twice as long to build it properly
 It would take too long to rewrite the code from scratch
 It's a browser compatibility issue
 It's a character encoding issue
 It's a known bug with the programming language
 It's a known bug with the server software
 It's a remote vendor issue
 It's a third party application issue
 It's always been like that
 It's an unexpected emergent behaviour of several last minute abstractions
 It's just some unlucky coincidence
 It's never done that before
 It's never shown unexpected behaviour like this before
 It's not a code problem - our users need more training
 Management insisted we wouldn't need to waste our time writing unit tests
 Maybe somebody forgot to pay our hosting company
 My time was split in a way that meant I couldn't do either project properly
 No one told me so I was forced to assume which way to do that
 Nobody asked me how long it would actually take
 Nobody has ever complained about it
 Oh, that was just a temporary fix
 Oh, that was only supposed to be a placeholder
 Oh, you said you DIDN'T want that to happen?
 Our code quality is no worse than anyone else in the industry
 Our hardware is too slow to cope with demand
 Our internet connection must not be working
 Our redundant systems must have failed as well
 Somebody must have changed my code
 THIS can't be the source of THAT
 That behaviour is in the original specification
 That code seemed so simple I didn't think it needed testing
 That code was written by the last guy
 That error means it was successful
 That feature was slated for phase two
 That feature would be outside of the scope
 That important email must have been marked as spam
 That isn't covered by my job description
 That process requires human oversight that nobody was providing
 That was literally a one in a million error
 That wasn't in the original specification
 That worked perfectly when I developed it
 That wouldn't be economically feasible
 That's already fixed it just hasn't taken effect yet
 That's interesting, how did you manage to make it do that?
 That's not a bug it's a configuration issue
 That's the fault of the graphic designer
 The WYSIWYG must have produced an invalid output
 The accounting department must have cancelled that subscription
 The client must have been hacked
 The client wanted it changed at the last minute
 The code is compiling
 The download must have been corrupted
 The existing design makes it difficult to do the right thing
 The marketing department made us put that there
 The original specification contained conflicting requirements
 The person responsible doesn't work here anymore
 The problem seems to be with our legacy software
 The program has never collected that information
 The project manager said no one would want that feature
 The project manager told me to do it that way
 The request must have dropped some packets
 The specifications were ambiguous
 The third party API is not responding
 The third party documentation doesn't exist
 The third party documentation is wrong
 The unit test doesn't cover that eventuality
 The user must not know how to use it
 There must be something strange in your data
 There was too little data to bother with the extra functionality at the time
 There were too many developers working on that same thing
 There's currently a problem with our hosting company
 This code was not supposed to go in to production yet
 This is a previously known bug you told me not to work on yet
 We didn't have enough time to peer review the final changes
 We outsourced that months ago
 We should have updated our software years ago
 We spent three months debugging it because we only had one month to build it
 Well at least we know not to try that again
 Well done, you found my easter egg!
 Well, at least it displays a very pretty error
 Well, that's a first
 What did I tell you about using parts of the system you don't understand?
 What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
 Where were you when the program blew up?
 Why do you want to do it that way?
 You can't use that version on your system
 You must be missing some of the dependencies
 You must have done something wrong
 You must have the wrong version
 Yore doing it wrong
 Your browser must be caching the old content