gistfile1.php

<?php
$velocities = array("turtle", "donkey", "rabbit");

$players = array(
  '1' => array(
    'name' => 'Foo',
    'velocity' => $velocities[rand(0,2)]), 
    'actions' => array(),
  '2' => array(
    'name' => 'Bar',
    'velocity' => $velocities[rand(0,2)]),
    'actions' => array(),
);

echo "(player 1) {$players['1']['name']} :: will go as fast as a {$players['1']['velocity']}\r\n";
echo "(player 2) {$players['2']['name']} :: will go as fast as a {$players['2']['velocity']}\r\n";

$actionsFunc = function(){
    return array(
        array('action' => 'stumbles', 'distance' => 0 ),
        array('action' => 'leaps', 'distance' => rand(1,3) ),
        array('action' => 'strides', 'distance' => rand(1,3) ),
        array('action' => 'sprints', 'distance' => rand(1,5) ),
        array('action' => 'falls', 'distance' => 0 ),
        array('action' => 'shuffles', 'distance' => rand(1,2) ),
        array('action' => 'walks', 'distance' => rand(0,2) ),
        array('action' => 'runs', 'distance' => rand(0,2) ),
        array('action' => 'skips', 'distance' => rand(0,2) ),
        array('action' => 'gasps', 'distance' => 0 ),
        array('action' => 'cavorts', 'distance' => rand(1,3) ),
        array('action' => 'dances', 'distance' => rand(1,3) ),
        array('action' => 'pauses', 'distance' => 0 ),
        array('action' => 'zips', 'distance' => rand(1,5) ),
        array('action' => 'zooms', 'distance' => rand(1,5) ),
        array('action' => 'collapses', 'distance' => 0 ),
        array('action' => 'faceplants', 'distance' => 0 ),
      );
};

$track_length = rand(50, 1000);

$playerDistance =
function($player){
  $distance = 0;
  foreach($player['actions'] as $action)
    $distance += $action['distance'];
  return $distance;
};

$raceEnded =
function($players){
  
  $p1_distance = $playerDistance($players[0]);
  $p2_distance = $playerDistance($players[1]);
  
  if( $p1_distance >= $track_length && $p2_distance >= $track_length ) return true;
  
  return false;
};