Kanye and the ontology of bleached T-shirts. A JavaScript implementation.

kanyeBleach.js

// Let's start by defining the ontology of our universe.

const BLEACH_TRANSFERENCE_RATIO = 0.5

class TShirt {
  constructor() {
    // By default, a T-shirt is clean.
    this.stains = []
  }

  addStain(stain) {
    this.stains.push(stain)
  }
}

class Person {
  constructor(name, occuppation, clothing) {
    this.name = name
    this.occuppation = occuppation
    this.clothing = clothing
    this.isFucking = null
    this.isBeingFuckedBy = null
  }

  get tShirt() {
    return this.clothing.find((piece) => piece instanceof TShirt)
  }

  fuck(person) {
    // Throw error in case of self-fucking attempt.
    if (person === this) {
      throw 'Self-fucking is not available.'
    }
    
    // Update fucking status of the fucker and the fuckee.
    this.isFucking = person
    person.isBeingFuckedBy = this

    // Perform transference of asshole content based on business logic.
    const isFuckingModel = person instanceof Model
    const isWearingTShirt = Boolean(this.tShirt)
    const sheJustBleachedHerAsshole = person.assholeContent.includes('bleach')
    if (isFuckingModel && isWearingTShirt && sheJustBleachedHerAsshole) {
      // Note: You don't get bleach on your T-Shirt every time you fuck the model. 
      // Observe that the line is "And I get bleach on my T-shirt" instead of 
      // "Then I get bleach on my T-shirt". Suggesting that the outcome is not predictable.
      if (Math.random() >= BLEACH_TRANSFERENCE_RATIO) {
        this.tShirt.addStain('bleach')
      }
    }
  }
}

class Rapper extends Person {
  constructor(name, clothing) {
    super(name, 'rapper', clothing)
  }

  get feeling() {
    if (this.tShirt.stains.includes('bleach')) {
      return 'like an asshole'
    } else {
      return 'ok'
    }
  }
}

class Model extends Person {
  constructor() {
    // By default, models are unnamed and naked (according to Kanye).
    super(null, 'model', [])

    this.assholeContent = []
  }

  bleachAsshole() {
    if (!this.assholeContent.includes('bleach')) {
      this.assholeContent.push('bleach')
    }
  }
}

// Showtime!

const kanye = new Rapper('Kanye', [new TShirt()])
const model = new Model()
model.bleachAsshole()

console.log(kanye.feeling) // 'ok'

kanye.fuck(model)

console.log(kanye.feeling) // 'like an asshole'