moo.php

moo.php

<?php
/* ######################################################################

   Here be cows – but: Never ask, never tell

   ##################################################################### */

abstract class Moo
{
	public static function getMooLine($quiet = false)
	{
		$special = localtime(time(), true);
		if ($special['tm_mon'] == 11 && $special['tm_mday'] == 25)
			$line = 'PACKAGEMANAGER';
		elseif ($special['tm_mon'] == 7 && $special['tm_mday'] == 16)
			$line = 'APPRECIATION';
		elseif ($special['tm_mon'] == 10 && $special['tm_mday'] == 7)
			$line = 'AGITATION';
		elseif ($special['tm_mon'] == 1 && $special['tm_mday'] == 18)
			$line = 'AIRBORN';
		else
			$line = 'NORMAL';

		$out = '';
		if (! $quiet)
			$out .= '..."';

		switch($line) {
			case 'PACKAGEMANAGER': $out .= "Happy package management day!"; break;
			case 'APPRECIATION':   $out .= "Three moos for Debian!"; break;
			case 'AGITATION':      $out .= "Whoever needs milk, bows to the animal."; break;
			case 'AIRBORN':        $out .= "It's a Bird ... It's a Plane ... It's Super Cow!"; break;
			default:               $out .= "Have you mooed today?"; break;
		}

		if (! $quiet)
			$out .= '"...';

		return $out;
	}

	public function printMooLine()
	{
		print static::getMooLine();
		return true;
	}

	public static function DoMoo1($quiet = false)
	{
		if ($quiet)
			return static::printMooLine();

		$moo = static::getMooLine();
		$depth = mb_strlen($moo) / 4;
		$spaces = static::OutputInDepth($depth, ' ');

		echo ''
			. $spaces . "         (__) \n"
			. $spaces . "         (oo) \n"
			. $spaces . "   /------\\/ \n"
			. $spaces . "  / |    ||   \n"
			. $spaces . " *  /\\---/\\ \n"
			. $spaces . "    ~~   ~~   \n"
			. $moo;

		return true;
	}

	public static function DoMoo2($quiet = false, $color = false)
	{
		if ($quiet)
			return static::printMooLine();

		$moo = static::getMooLine();
		$depth = mb_strlen($moo) / 4;
		$spaces = static::OutputInDepth($depth, ' ');

		if (! $color) {
			echo ''
				. $spaces . "         (__)  \n"
				. $spaces . " _______~(..)~ \n"
				. $spaces . "   ,----\\(oo) \n"
				. $spaces . "  /|____|,'    \n"
				. $spaces . " * /\"\\ /\\   \n"
				. $spaces . "   ~ ~ ~ ~     \n"
				. $moo;
		}
		else {
			echo ''
				. $spaces . "         \033[1;97m(\033[0;33m__\033[1;97m)\033[0m\n"
				. $spaces . " \033[31m_______\033[33m~(\033[1;34m..\033[0;33m)~\033[0m\n"
				. $spaces . "   \033[33m,----\033[31m\\\033[33m(\033[1;4;35moo\033[0;33m)\033[0m\n"
				. $spaces . "  \033[33m/|____|,'\033[0m\n"
				. $spaces . " \033[1;5;97m*\033[0;33m /\\  /\\\033[0m\n"
				. "\033[32m";

			for ($i = mb_strlen($moo) / 2; $i > 1; $i--)
				echo "wW";

			echo "w\033[0m\n" . $moo;
		}

		return true;
	}

	public static function DoMoo3($quiet = false)
	{
		if ($quiet)
			return static::printMooLine();

		$moo = static::getMooLine();
		$depth = mb_strlen($moo) / 16; // à vérifier !
		$spaces = static::OutputInDepth($depth, ' ');

		echo ''
			. $spaces . "                   \\_/ \n"
			. $spaces . " m00h  (__)       -(_)- \n"
			. $spaces . "    \\  ~Oo~___     / \\\n"
			. $spaces . "       (..)  |\\        \n"
			. $spaces . "_________|_|_|__________"
			. static::OutputInDepth((mb_strlen($moo) - ($depth + 27)), "_")
			. "\n" . $moo;

		return true;
	}

	public static function DoMooApril($quiet = false)
	{
		if ($quiet) {
			echo "Have you smashed some milk today?" . "\n";
			return true;
		}
		echo ''
			. "               _     _\n"
			. "              (_\\___( \\,\n"
			. "                )___   _  Have you smashed some milk today?\n"
			. "               /( (_)-(_)    /\n"
			. "    ,---------'         \\_\n"
			. "  //(  ',__,'      \\  (' ')\n"
			. " //  )              '----'\n"
			. " '' ; \\     .--.  ,/\n"
			. "    | )',_,'----( ;\n"
			. "    ||| '''     '||\n";
		return true;
	}

	public static function DoMoo($nb = 1)
	{
		if (date('m-d') == '04-10') {
			return static::DoMooApril();
		}

		switch($nb) {
			case 1: return static::DoMoo1();
			case 2: return static::DoMoo2();
			case 3: return static::DoMoo3();
			case 4: return static::DoMooApril();
			default: return static::DoMoo1();
		}
	}

	protected static function OutputInDepth($depth, $separator)
	{
		if ($depth < 0)
			return '';
		return str_repeat($separator, 1 + $depth);
	}
}