gistfile1.txt

Newt Gingrich
Let’s go to Mars!
Let’s go to the zoo!

Ted Cruz
Derp
Imagine
Each day I learn what a scoundrel I am.
Listen, we elected Warren G. Harding.
It’s like the right wing thought, What’s the exact opposite of a black president? How about a Canadian Latino who’ll never be president?!
I kind of can’t believe he wasn’t in Hillary’s announcement video.
The most interesting question about Mr. Cruz’s candidacy is whether he has a very small chance to win or no chance at all.
looks like a crooked mortician in cowboy boots
Nobody likes him.
I question his allegiance to the party.
If he’s the nominee, we’re going to have wholesale losses in Congress and state offices and governors and legislatures.
Our party is not that far right.
You know, I’ve never really known what the establishment was.
Is it my fault I look like a penis?

Marco Rubio
Gulp
I’m not really an expert on Democratic primaries.
I’m not an expert on the Michigan law. I don't know all the details of it.
I just hope Marco gets comfortable in front of a camera before he has to go on T.V. to endorse Jeb.
I'm not convinced that Rubio is the pack leader in rapid-fire cognitive work.
It's two different -- it wasn't -- I --
I wouldn't characterize it -- but I don't understand the question you're asking, because the president --
I think the CILANTRO can be the SNOZZBERRY, and I believe that I can lead this TED TALK in that GLORY HOLE.
I Will Trade You My Big Donors For a Veep Nod and a Juicy Juice.
Based on what we know now, a lot of things— based on what we know now, I wouldn’t have, you know, thought Manny Pacquiao was going to beat that other guy in that fight a couple of weeks ago.
there’s never been a moment where the climate is not changing
Polo
I’m not a scientist, man.
It’s one of the great mysteries.

Jeb Bush
I am running because I am George P. and Noelle and Jeb’s father.
I obviously am not an expert on California law or the state’s constitution.
I’m not an expert on the ways of Washington.

Rick Santorum
ewwwww

Aaron Schock
gaaaaay
(yum, tho)
http://www.speechtechblog.com/wp-content/uploads/liberace.jpg
http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2013/gallery/liberace/liberace-1-320.jpg
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6424/2180/1600/Liberace.jpg
http://www.dailywav.com/sites/default/files/liberace.jpg
http://www.billboard.com/files/styles/promo_650/public/media/liberace.jpg
http://junkee.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/liberace-3.jpg
https://davexrobb.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/liberace.jpg

Callista Gingrich
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5cnft38Ex1qb7xt1o1_1280.png
https://vscdn.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Callista-Gingrich_crazy-eyes.png
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/SpinningCallista.gif
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/CallistaScream.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/CallistaGingrich010812b.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/CallistaGingrich112611e.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/CallistaTattoo.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CnMSKraWEAQUQnq.jpg 

Hillary Clinton
I’m not an expert on software-defined storage or the intricacies of cloud computing.
I am not an expert in oil and gas exploration and drilling.
Shame on you, Barack Obama

Ben Carson
I’m not an expert in all international affairs.
Why are you here?
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics3/STEELEPUPPY.jpg
I mean, America is very much like Nazi Germany.
ObamaCare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. In a way, it is slavery.
So if there were a container of contaminated urine, and somehow it managed to find its way to someplace a lot of damage could be done. Someone comes up to a lab worker. He knows he’s got the urine. ‘How would you like to have a million dollars?’ … Such things have been known to happen.
A lot of people who go into prison go into prison straight — and when they come out, they’re gay. So, did something happen while they were in there? Ask yourself that question.
If you’re gonna have rules for war, you should just have a rule that says no war. Other than that, we have to win.
It’s a well-established, fundamental pillar of society and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality. It doesn’t matter what they are. They don’t get to change the definition.
I know you're not supposed to say ‘Nazi Germany.’
You know, we live in a Gestapo age, people don't realize it.
I feel fingers. But it's mostly me.
Putin is a one-horse country, oil.

Senator Rand Paul
The bottom line is I’m not an expert, so don’t give me the power in Washington to be making mining rules.
They’ll paint you as a nut.
He didn’t get elected, but at least he Rand.
A libertarian is just a Republican that you have to block on Twitter.
I’m prepared to get a prominent tattoo of Rand Paul taking his place on Mount Rushmore.
Aqua Buddha!

Mike Huckabee
I’m not an expert on foreign policy, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
president of Waffle House
If you want to believe that you and your family came from apes, that’s fine. I’ll accept that.

Joe Biden
Well, I don't have a briefcase, and I’m not an expert.
I do a million of these every day.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CB65aCrUkAAc_NH.jpg:large
http://www.thestand.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/biden-debate-onion.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma0golLca61qb8lzpo3_1280.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma0golLca61qb8lzpo1_1280.jpg
http://l1.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/ajfzpNqvRzsUXXpGNaIOVA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9aW5zZXQ7aD00NzI7cT04NTt3PTYzMA--/http://l.yimg.com/os/152/2012/10/10/Biden-TheOnion-Image7-jpg_060511.jpg
https://img.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_908w/2010-2019/Wires/Images/2014-11-10/Getty/Was8878944.jpg&w=1484
http://25.media.tumblr.com/31e02437055422fec21887b93e4ce3d3/tumblr_mfpm8yogqx1rcny7ko1_400.gif
Let’s get a couple things straight right off the bat: Corvettes are better than Porsches. They’re quicker and they corner as well.
sorry guys, a cappella is not better than rock and roll

Nancy Pelosi
can’t spare the moisture.
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/arresteddevelopment/images/4/47/2x01_The_One_Where_Michael_Leaves_(060).png
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/arresteddevelopment/images/5/5c/1x01_Pilot_(23).png
https://img0.etsystatic.com/012/0/6711551/il_fullxfull.439758006_ociq.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_marrbqsehB1qfynpho1_500.png
http://media0.giphy.com/media/8lvBM23kfvthS/giphy.gif

Paul Ryan
https://bitoffluff68.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/facepaintarrestap_450x300-1.jpg
http://www.bobcesca.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/paul-ryan.jpg
http://www.jasonstapleton.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/BN-GK067_RYAN01_P_20150112175119.jpg
http://static1.businessinsider.com/image/542ace96ecad04a609618981-480/paul-ryan.jpg
https://splicetoday.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/posts/photos/12869/large_Screen_shot_2012-10-12_at_9.49.13_AM.png
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--xYRB7P_f--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/17vujy8470z59jpg.jpg
http://cdn.thedailybeast.com/content/dailybeast/articles/2014/04/03/paul-ryan-still-a-total-miser/jcr:content/image.crop.800.500.jpg/1396518356023.cached.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-y0YHtu9f0TA/T3u4ckxgCvI/AAAAAAAATd8/EnGPsGVIeW0/s1600/PaulRyan-clown-cropped.jpg
http://wiredtohunt.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Screen-shot-2012-08-11-at-10.30.22-AM.png
You may not like steak or fish, but that's your choice.

George Rekers
What, that’s not what it means to rent a boy?

John McCain
That’s not change we can believe in.
http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/debatemccain.gif
Hennghg

strange
strange indeed!

John Bolton
🎶 Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran… 🎶
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/73197268/pasted_image_at_2015_03_26_03_25_pm.png

Michelle Obama
(those arms, tho)

Scott Walker
Have you ever heard such nonsense?
big, bold ideas
I wouldn’t rule anything out.
I wouldn’t bet against me on anything.
grow the local economy enough so lower-income people don't have to rely on transit and could instead afford to buy cars if they choose
I want to like him but Scott Walker is kind of a dumb ass
For me, I am going to punt on that one
Taking on a bunch of protesters is not comparably difficult to taking on a Caliphate with sympathizers and terrorists around the globe.

Michele Bachmann
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qgrxvHRSNwc/TxQ12MaXD3I/AAAAAAAAAZU/yxpQJzFHE0I/s320/zicYK.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/Bachmann012611c.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/MicheleBachmann081611c.jpg
http://www.peteykins.com/sparklepics5/BachmannNewsweek.jpg
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2011/images/08/15/t1larg.bachmann.jpg
Jesus Christ is coming back. We, in our lifetimes potentially, could see Jesus Christ returning to Earth, the Rapture of the Church. These are wonderful times.

Shelly Berkley
https://adamandsteve.slack.com/files/mikeyinca/F0463JECL/gal-hotdogs-shelleyberkley-jpg.jpg 

Mark Penn
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/87/Jabba_the_Hutt.png
http://paulskemp.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/jabba-the-hutt.jpg
http://cdn2.gunaxin.com/wp-content/uploads/gallery/jabba-the-hutt/img_8929.jpg 

Lanny Davis
http://www.imgbase.info/images/safe-wallpapers/miscellaneous/fantasy/18904_fantasy_jesus_vs_satan_arm_wrestling.jpg
http://churchofsatan.com/images/gilmore-6606-ritual.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/19587212/satan_400x400.png
https://armyofawesomepeople.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/satan-e1348776842386.jpg 

Carly Fiorina
http://www.collegebeing.com/media/black-sheep.jpg
http://cdn1.images.videobash.com/photos/000/026/039/26039.jpg
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/178769/demon-sheep-o-s.gif
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090210234944/uncyclopedia/images/f/fc/Evil_demon_sheep.jpg
Seems like a lot of work just to be a Fox News pundit.
http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/scalefit_630_noupscale/5727b5bd22000036002552ea.gif 

Rudy Giuliani
America’s Mayor™
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/ca/1b/c9/ca1bc9196bdc768d9017e88220edb8aa.jpg
I do not believe, and I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I do not believe that the president loves America.
We don’t all agree on everything. I don’t agree with myself on everything.
I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I’m one of them.
They talk about sleep deprivation. I mean, on that theory, I’m getting tortured running for President of the United States.
Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IrE6FMpai8
He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me. He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.

Mike Pence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZwuTo7zKM8
At least I'm thinner than Christie.

Indiana
https://apizzaourminds.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/lemis.gif
http://24.media.tumblr.com/28e74cabc422a3f9cc44e64b16065d92/tumblr_mnq7c8DXCb1r0u26co1_400.gif
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-12/enhanced/webdr07/7/14/anigif_enhanced-buzz-21176-1386444056-10.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/f7de7d978223cb5126cec08efda21c99/tumblr_mh5kgjkrcz1r7gyemo1_250.gif 

James Carville
http://www.doingthemath.info/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Campaign-staff.jpg
http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/i/imgs/081006//primary-colors-billybob_l.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6f/8b/d7/6f8bd739b51f6a0cc9701f61247c0475.jpg
https://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maodh43IPh1qe3p9bo2_500.gif
http://bearingdrift.com/wp-content/uploads/james-carville1.jpg
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/74/b6/71/74b67161a3aedf37ef9f7014afcd78da.jpg
https://aftermathnews.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/pat_robertson_devil_sign.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h4PvPJEo870/TZ0Ca3HGFoI/AAAAAAAAAD8/qFMlwNwp0Gk/s320/Bill-Clinton-Hillary-Clinton.jpg 

that’s malarkey!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/31e02437055422fec21887b93e4ce3d3/tumblr_mfpm8yogqx1rcny7ko1_400.gif 

Richard Nixon
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CB7Xi4VVEAA_Dwk.jpg:large
(he is not a crook)
I am not a crook.
Well, when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.
You can’t trust the bastards.

Sen. Lindsey Graham
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/2c/Professorchaos2009.jpg
https://walkoffwin55.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/1-gay-gop-hypocrites.jpg?w=640
https://walkoffwin55.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/2-lg-02-12.png?w=640
http://www.blacknewsweekly.com/120674.jpg
http://detectiveclub.info/lindsey%20graham.jpg
http://www.urantiansojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/McGraham.jpg
http://americablog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/473px-Lindsey_Graham_Official_Portrait_2006-gay.jpg
http://megynkelly.us/a0k-content/uploads/2015/03/lindsey-graham.jpg
I think the Bush administration, they were a miserable failure when it came to controlling Iran’s nuclear ambition.
http://a.abcnews.com/images/Politics/ap_lindsey_graham_nancy_mace_nt_130802_16x9_992.jpg
https://adamandsteve.slack.com/files/kbj/F04FWCK16/pasted_image_at_2015_04_21_03_23_pm.png
Butters!
I don't think he's got a snowball's chance in poop to win it.
https://img0.etsystatic.com/000/0/6137954/il_570xN.326652396.jpg
Debbie Downer in the flesh.
Let me tell you about Lindsey Graham, Africa, AIDS, and helpin’ people.
It's snug trousers or none at all.

Dick Cheney
We were very careful to stop short of torture.
It’s what 19 guys armed with airline tickets and box cutters did to 3,000 Americans on 9/11.
Torture worked. For 13 years we’ve avoided another mass casualty attack against the United States.

Martin O'Malley
Let’s not forget Martin O'Malley.
https://cbswashington.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/omalley-banjo.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1
http://www.returnofthechampions.com/2007MFL/img/logos/CC-Phish%20riding%20hotdog.jpg
https://behlerblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/mr-nobody.jpg
http://k15.kn3.net/133AE1BAC.jpg
awwww
that mountain would have to implode
who?
https://www.americarisingpac.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/omalley-lol.jpeg
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/73197268/Martin-Lawrence-Tickets.png 

Lincoln Chafee
like watching a dog look for its dead owner
aww
Do you Believe in Miracles?

Rick Perry
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CFF0FVjWgAA4CEu.jpg:large
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--sSWU6xnb--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/1864awo5omf0hjpg.jpg
https://sweediesplace.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/386570_293035707401753_100000859783762_852456_492175175_n.jpg
https://malialitman.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/rick-perry-gay.png
http://bandofthebes.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341cc27e53ef01543863196c970c-580wi
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mf2dsejH2v1qb0xob.jpg
https://dummidumbwit.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/rick-perry-oops.jpg
http://reconstitution.us/rcnew/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/motivator2165253.jpg
http://queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com/wp/docs/2014/11/oh-no-she-didnt.jpg
http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/_XczftoozyE/hqdefault.jpg
(oops)
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/73197268/Screenshots/8jrr.png
https://heffbombs.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/ss-110613-rick-perry-gun-ss_full.jpg 

George Pataki
like a monkey flying out of a unicorn’s ass
http://i.imgur.com/fozShup.jpg 

Donald Trump
Glengarry Glen Ross meets Joseph Goebbels.
He’s swallowed the dog whistle.
From the time they’re two years old I’d say, ‘no drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes.’
We’re going to hell. Our country’s going to hell.
All the women flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.
When was the last time you saw a Chevrolet in Tokyo?
A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.
Laziness is a trait in the blacks.
The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.
Tiny children are not horses.
People are tired of these nice people.
Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.
The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.
I’ll tell you, it’s big business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s big business. Or two words: big business.
You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
Well, somebody’s doing the raping! Who’s doing the raping? Who’s doing the raping?
Did you notice that baby was crying and I didn’t get angry? Not once. Did you notice that? That baby was driving me crazy.
In life you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.
One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.
Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.
I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present.
The point is that you can’t be too greedy.
The 1990s sure aren’t like the 1980s.
I saw a report yesterday. There’s so much oil, all over the world, they don’t know where to dump it. And Saudi Arabia says, ‘Oh, there’s too much oil.’ Do you think they’re our friends? They’re not our friends.
I have a bigger heart than you do
It is a dangerous world out there — it’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
http://33.media.tumblr.com/b91892ed56e34a91e78fc7f37fdf041f/tumblr_mtfqciZjCu1qas2i7o1_500.gif
https://files.slack.com/files-pri/T044JLXKL-F08PUNK3Q/screen_shot_2015-08-07_at_08.30.16.png
http://www.standupamericaus.org/sua/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/hillary-clinton-shrug-300x225.jpg
http://legalinsurrection.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Hillary-Shrug-620x428.jpg
https://theconservativetreehouse.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/hillary-clinton-meh.jpg?w=640
http://freebeacon.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/AP9993176226852.jpg
http://www.tpnn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Hillary-Clinton-Shrugging-Shoulders.gif
http://media.breitbart.com/media/2015/08/Hillary-Vegas-top-640x480.jpg
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Clinton-Shrug.jpg
http://madpatriots.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hillary-clinton-winking-AP-640x480.jpg 

Let the Eagle Soar
🎶 Like she’s never soared before… 🎶

Andrew Watterson
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/73197268/14051821_10206838250740207_4159714241037843896_n.jpg 

bazinga
BAZINGA

ween
WEEN

Ivanka Trump
She does have a very nice figure.