But it doesn't end with this. The problem with the strategy "define what is acceptable and politely exclude those who don't agree" is that it is a recipe for keeping the marginalized marginal. Some of the straight white men of tech don't live in a reality where women and PoC are equally good at understanding technology. Some people are die-hard racists or sexists. Some people think gay marriage is wrong. They aren't doing it because they're evil, they're doing it because they sincerely believe they're right and others are wrong.
Your goal cannot be to directly change somebody else's definition of acceptability, or force them to change their rules. The supreme court agreed that gay marriage was not a constitutional right in 1972 before reversing itself in 2015. It's not because the court is fickle. It's because the court is made of people, and those people in 2015 came from a diff