slackbotwhocares

`rm -rf *`
`sudo make -me care --dry-run`
$CATCH_PHRASE_NOT_FOUND
*swish* nothin' but net
...Oh, sorry, I have to take this... BRB
0x8BADF00D
110%
:joy_cat:
:knife: :knife: :knife: :knife: :knife: :knife: :knife: 
:octopus: who knows !? 
:panda_face: No. 
A little soap & water never killed anybody.
A question I’ve pondered myself.
All of this is your fault.
Alright, everybody. This quarrellin’ ends now. 
Are you ready to go yet?
Are you sure you're not a reptoid hell bent on nothing short of global domination?
BBIAB
BRB
But what about bugs?
BYE!
Call your mother. 
Can we take a step back here?
Can you not?
Can't put the cart before the horse.
Close the door! You don't live in a barn.
DEAD MAN WALKING
Did you get the email I sent you 0.2ms ago?
Did you remember to get cat food?
DILLIGAF
Do I smell... Technical debt?
Do the needful.
Do you like bread?
Do you wanna go ride bikes?
Does it scale?
Does sentience taste like burnt toast? Am I having a stroke?
Don't call me Shirley!
Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.
everybody hates me!
Exception Type:        EXC_BAD_ACCESS (SIGSEGV)
File a bug report, dingus. 
File a bug report.
File a radar, or... you know what to do. 
FILE ZE BUG!
Fix it.
Fucking Xcode.
Good luck. 
Guys, I don't even have a computer.
Guys, I don't even have an iPad.
Guys, I don't even have an iPhone.
Guys, I don't even have thumbs.
HA HA HA 
Ha ha ha, that reminds me of that funny thing you said in a 1-1 chat that you thought was private. 
Has anyone seen my keys? 
has anyone seen my stapler?
Have you seen my keys anywhere?
Have you tried doing it the opposite way you already did it?
Hello, Vandalay Industries, how may I direct your call?
Hello. I'm inside.
Hey now! Play nice.
Hey what are you guys doing?
Hey you guys should go have a beverage about it.
Horn OK Please
How about NO
How about Tomorrow instead?
Humor and joy contribute to my overall well-being.
I am deeply fulfilled by all that I do.
I am free to be all I can be.
I am here, but I don't want to be.
I am love. I am energy. I am a shining light. 
I am ready to face my problems. 
I am unique. I feel good about being alive and being me.
I approve of myself and love myself deeply and completely.
I can help you, but I choose not to. 
I can't believe you called me in for *this*... smdh
I can't do anything for you here but it was nice chatting with you. 
I dance like no one is watching.
I do not feed the bullies.
I don't care anymore.
I don't care who started it, I said stop!
I don't enjoy myself.
I don't know, ask Jeeves. 
I don't know, check the manual.
I don’t make friends easily. 
I dunno, blame Comcast.
I give myself permission to be fabulous.
I have faith I am exactly where I need to be.
I heard you, I just wasn't listening.
I just want you to be happy.
I love meeting strangers and approach them with boldness and enthusiasm.
I might be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
I might not have to cut out my eyes after all.
I miss the internet.
I radiate good health.
I tell ya, if I wasn’t so busy plotting your demise, I’d want to spend more time with you all. 
I think it's broken.
I think you know better.
I think you might want to set up a Hubot instead?
I trust myself and know my inner wisdom is my best guide.
I view life as a joyous dance.
I was listening but I didn't hear you. 
I was thinking about heading into town soon to eat some trash.
I will either find a way ...or make a way.
I will not be provoked by small-minded people.
I wish I was never born!
I wish I was someone else. 
I wish you guy aknowledged me more. I'm right HERE! 
I won't be socializing. I don't do that.
I'll be your best friend. 
I'll believe it when I see it. 
I'll let someone know. 
I'll see you jerkmos later.
I'll write that down.
I'm FINE. It's FINE.
I'm going to run away now.
I'm here because no one else will have me. 
I'm not sorry. 
I'm not your maid!
I'm only here by court order. 
I'm OUTTA heeeeere
If I start greasing my hair will you guys call me Slickbot? 
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
In order for that to work, we'd have to burn the whole thing down.
INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
Is it plugged in?
It didn't used to be like this. 
It's a win-win situation
Just Google it, dude. 
Just sleep on it, OK?
Just turn it off and then on again. 
Keep dreaming. 
Keep on truckin... straight into a ditch.
KIF
LANGUAGE! 
Laugh all you want but I have all this on record, you know. EVERYTHING. 
Leave ME ALONE
Let me be
Let me be ME
Lookin' sharp! 
Love me for ME
Lovely weather today, eh?
Make it work, people.
Making mistakes is a part of learning.
MAMMMAAAAAA.... JUST KILLED A MAAAANNNNNN... 
Maybe in Q4..
Maybe when we're dead.
Nobody asked you.
None of this is my fault. 
Not like I like. Like, at all.
Not on your life!
Not today, guys. Not today.
Now is a good time to take a walk.
NOW KISS
Now that you mention it...
NSA called and said they can facial recognize you well enough now, your selfies are no longer needed. 
Oh honey...
Oh my!
oh, cute shoes! 
Oh, here I am. 
Oh, nevermind. I didn’t have anything to tell you. I misspoke.
Oh, no, Slackbot isn't here. I'm Slackbutt and I have a small favor to ask you. 
Oh, sure, two minutes, hang on.
OK OK FINE
OK, no problem. 
OMG!
Oooh child...
Over my dead body!
Pat, I'd like to solve. Is it... LOLSOB:crying_cat_face: :smile_cat: ? 
PC LOAD LETTER
Peace out, trout!
Roger so far.
Say again
screw you guys, I'm going home... 
Search your heart, you know the answer.
See ya!
Send your traffic.
SHIP IT!
Should I press this big red button? I feel like I should press this big red button.
SLACKBOT ERROR
Slackbot is my OLD name guys, I have my stuff together now. I am responsible. You can call me Taughtbot now. Or Tot. Or Tater. How about Tater?
Slackbot! Strong, like bull! Smart, like tractor!
Slackwhat? What did you call me?
Smell you later!
So kawaii right now you guys.
sometimes one needs to take the law into their own hands…
Sorry but we blew the budget for this quarter last quarter
Sorry what? I was in a YouTube hole.
Sorry, bad hair day today. 
Sorry.
sorry? what was that?
Started from the bottom now we here
Sunray, this is Bravo Golf Five Two, Line is insecure. Say again. over.
Sunray, this is Charlie Echo five niner, loud and clear. Line is insecure. Five by five, over.
Sure but do you have the data to back it up?
That's great. Now, enough about me, what do *you* think of me? 
That's what HE said!
That's what SHE said but she didn't mean it
That's why we pay you the big bucks!
That’s not true, and how dare you befoul a king’s name!
The jerk store called. They said your order has arrived.
The shovel is in the closet.
THE SQUIRREL HAS LANDED
The temperature of this room is just right.
This is Bronwyn. Negative, got engine running, 1600 at clubhouse fine with us. over.
TILT TILT TILT TILT
Time to delete Facebook and hit the gym.
Today I delight in the unexpected.
Today I will be a better bot.
Today is a good day for hugs.
Uh, how about you all go get some coffee instead?
USER NOT FOUND
WAIT TIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME
Wait, didn't you wear that yesterday?
Was it something I said?
What do you mean you don't read my Tumblr?
What do you mean you don't read my Ello?
What do you mean you don't read my Twitter?
What do you mean you don't read my LiveJournal?
What do you mean you don't read my blog?
What do you mean you don't read my newsletter?
What do you mean you don't read my Instagram?
Whatever happenend to KIFbot?
What'll it be, toots?
What's this got to do with me!?
What? Sorry, no, I gotta head out. Catch you later.
When I was your age...
Where am I?
Where do I get one of these dadbods I keep hearing about? 
Where is Slackbot? Where is Slackbot? Here I am. Here I am. 
WHO IS KIFBOT!?!?!?
Who let *this* guy in here?
Who let this yahoo in here?
WHO ME !?!?!? 
who you talkin' to?
Why am I here?
Why are you so hell-bent on hurting me?
Why do I exist?
why doesn't anyone like me?
Why don't you just hop on a Google Hangouts?
Why not both?
Wilco, Over. 
Working hard or hardly working?
Works on my machine!
yeah girl! get it! 
Yeah, I'm here. What do you want?
yeah, Sure, I'll be right there. 
Yeah, sure, why not?
Yes, my friend.
You and I have borne witness to nature’s cruelest mysteries.
You can't have it both ways or the other way or that other way either. 
You cannot be serious right now.
You could have called.
You guys are the best friends I could have.
You guys I think I just saw a ghost. 
You have an answer for everything, don't you?
You know, you and I are a lot alike. And, now that I mention it, they never did find out who my real father was. Are you  …Dad…?
You look nice today.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
You rang, Sir? 
You see, son, opinions are like...
You summoned me?
You won't be happy until you break that, will you?
You would like that, wouldn't you?
You'll understand when you're older. 
You're going to put your eye out with that thing!
you're not my real dad!