Compatriots! Soda in the drinking fountains is 100% true!

output.txt

Harry Reid:FAAAAAAAAAART! *points finger at Republicans*
Ted Cruz:FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART! *points finger at Democrats*
Elizabeth Warren:FAAART! *points finger at Republicans*
Jebster:FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART! *points finger at Democrats*


Compatriots! I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY Soda in the drinking fountains is 100% true!
XOXO  Harry Reid

Countrymen! I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY Soda in the drinking fountains is 100% true!
Tidings, Ted Cruz

Peeps! I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY Soda in the drinking fountains is 100% true!
Luv  Elizabeth Warren

Bros! I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY Soda in the drinking fountains is 100% true!
FUCKYALL,  Jebster

politician.coffee

class Person
  @all : []

  constructor : ()->
    @constructor.all.push(@)
    @

  lie : (something)->
    "#{something} is 100% true!"

  fart : (volume)->
    f = 'F'
    for i in [0 ... volume]
      f += 'A'
    f += 'RT!'
    f

  @fart : (volume)->
    p.fart(volume) for p in @all

  @lie : (something)->
    p.lie(something) for p in @all

class Politician extends Person
  constructor : (args)->
    super
    for k,v of args
      @[k] = v

  enemy : ()->
    if (@party is 'Democrat')
      'Republican'
    else
      'Democrat'

  lie : (something)->
    super("#{@address}! #{something}") + "\n#{@closing} #{@name}"

  fart : ()->
    "#{@name}:#{super(@volume)} *points finger at #{@enemy()}s*"

  @lie : (something)->
    super("I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY #{something}")


p1 = new Politician(
  address : "Compatriots"
  party   : "Democrat"
  name    : "Harry Reid"
  closing : "XOXO "
  volume  : 10
)
p2 = new Politician(
  address : "Countrymen"
  party   : "Republican"
  name    : "Ted Cruz"
  closing : "Tidings,"
  volume  : 20
)
p3 = new Politician(
  address : "Peeps"
  party   : "Democrat"
  name    : "Elizabeth Warren"
  closing : "Luv "
  volume  : 3
)
p4 = new Politician(
  address : "Bros"
  party   : "Republican"
  name    : "Jebster"
  closing : "FUCKYALL, "
  volume  : 100
)

console.log(Politician.fart().join('\n'))
console.log('\n')
console.log(Politician.lie("Soda in the drinking fountains").join('\n\n'))

politician.js

(function() {
  var Person, Politician, p,
    __hasProp = {}.hasOwnProperty,
    __extends = function(child, parent) { 
      for (var key in parent) { 
        if (__hasProp.call(parent, key)) 
          child[key] = parent[key]; 
      } 
      function ctor() { 
        this.constructor = child; 
      } 
      ctor.prototype = parent.prototype; 
      child.prototype = new ctor(); 
      child.__super__ = parent.prototype; 
      return child; 
    };

  Person = (function() {

    Person.all = [];

    function Person() {
      this.constructor.all.push(this);
      this;

    }

    Person.prototype.lie = function(something) {
      return "" + something + " is 100% true!";
    };

    Person.prototype.fart = function(volume) {
      var f, i, _i;
      f = 'F';
      for (i = _i = 0; 0 <= volume ? _i < volume : _i > volume; i = 0 <= volume ? ++_i : --_i) {
        f += 'A';
      }
      f += 'RT!';
      return f;
    };

    Person.fart = function(volume) {
      var p, _i, _len, _ref, _results;
      _ref = this.all;
      _results = [];
      for (_i = 0, _len = _ref.length; _i < _len; _i++) {
        p = _ref[_i];
        _results.push(p.fart(volume));
      }
      return _results;
    };

    Person.lie = function(something) {
      var p, _i, _len, _ref, _results;
      _ref = this.all;
      _results = [];
      for (_i = 0, _len = _ref.length; _i < _len; _i++) {
        p = _ref[_i];
        _results.push(p.lie(something));
      }
      return _results;
    };

    return Person;

  })();

  Politician = (function(_super) {

    __extends(Politician, _super);

    function Politician(args) {
      var k, v;
      Politician.__super__.constructor.apply(this, arguments);
      for (k in args) {
        v = args[k];
        this[k] = v;
      }
    }

    Politician.prototype.enemy = function() {
      if (this.party === 'Democrat') {
        return 'Republican';
      } else {
        return 'Democrat';
      }
    };

    Politician.prototype.lie = function(something) {
      return Politician.__super__.lie.call(this, "" + this.address + "! " + something) + ("\n" + this.closing + " " + this.name);
    };

    Politician.prototype.fart = function() {
      return "" + this.name + ":" + (Politician.__super__.fart.call(this, this.volume)) + " *points finger at " + (this.enemy()) + "s*";
    };

    Politician.lie = function(something) {
      return Politician.__super__.constructor.lie.call(this, "I AM DEFINITIELY NOT LYING WHEN I SAY " + something);
    };

    return Politician;

  })(Person);

  p1 = new Politician({
    address: "Compatriots",
    party: "Democrat",
    name: "Harry Reid",
    closing: "XOXO ",
    volume: 10
  });

  p2 = new Politician({
    address: "Countrymen",
    party: "Republican",
    name: "Ted Cruz",
    closing: "Tidings,",
    volume: 20
  });

  p3 = new Politician({
    address: "Peeps",
    party: "Democrat",
    name: "Elizabeth Warren",
    closing: "Luv ",
    volume: 3
  });

  p4 = new Politician({
    address: "Bros",
    party: "Republican",
    name: "Jebster",
    closing: "FUCKYALL, ",
    volume: 100
  });

  console.log(Politician.fart().join('\n'));

  console.log('\n');

  console.log(Politician.lie("Soda in the drinking fountains").join('\n\n'));

}).call(this);