shhhhh

easter.js

/*
* ICM Easter Eggs © 2014
* Version 1.0
* Author: Joe Furfaro
*
*/

$(function(){
	$('body').on('submit.easterEgg', 'form', function(e){
		var $form = $(this),
			$firstName = $form.find('input[name="first_name"]'),
			$lastName = $form.find('input[name="last_name"]');

		if($firstName.length > 0 && $lastName.length > 0){
			var fullName = $firstName.val().replace(/\s/g, '') + ' ' + $lastName.val().replace(/\s/g, '');

			// Use a switch to simply add cases
			switch(fullName.toLowerCase()){
				case 'carl brutananadilewski':
					e.preventDefault();
					doTheCarl($firstName, $lastName);
					break;

				case 'veloci raptor':
					e.preventDefault();
					cleverGirl($firstName, $lastName);
					break;

				case 'theking ofpop':
					e.preventDefault();
					notMyLover($firstName, $lastName);
					break;

				case 'shiem edelbrock':
					e.preventDefault();
					fuckinSweetFunciton($firstName, $lastName);
					break;

				case 'accessmain securitygrid':
					e.preventDefault();
					sayTheMagicWord($firstName, $lastName);
					break;

				default:
					break;
			}
		}
	});

	function doTheCarl($firstName, $lastName) {
		var $carl = $('<img src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/carl.png">');

		$carl.css({
			position: 'fixed',
			left: -346,
			bottom: 30,
			zIndex: 9999
		});

		$carl.appendTo('body').animate({left: 20}, 1500, function(){
			setTimeout(function(){
				$carl.animate({left: -346}, 1500, function(){
					$carl.remove();
					$firstName.val('').focus();
					$lastName.val('');
				});
			}, 5000);
		});
	}

	function cleverGirl($firstName, $lastName) {
		var $raptor = $('<img src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/velociraptor.png">'),
			$roar = $('<audio src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/raptor-sound.mp3" preload="auto">');

		$raptor.css({
			position: 'fixed',
			right: -400,
			bottom: 0,
			zIndex: 9999
		});

		$roar[0].play();

		$raptor.appendTo('body').animate({right: '100%'}, 3000, function(){
			$raptor.remove();
			$firstName.val('').focus();
			$lastName.val('');
		});
	}

	function notMyLover($firstName, $lastName) {
		var $michael = $('<img src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/michael.gif">'),
			$billie = $('<audio src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/billie-jean.mp3" preload="auto">'),
			wh = $(window).height(),
			ww = $(window).width(),
			laps = 0;

		$billie[0].play();

		setTimeout(moonwalk, 2000);

		function moonwalk() {
			var speed = '3';

			$michael.css({
				position: 'fixed',
				right: 0,
				bottom: 0,
				zIndex: 9999,
				'-webkit-transform': 'rotate(0deg)',
				'-moz-transform': 'rotate(0deg)',
				'transform': 'rotate(0deg)',
				'-webkit-transform-origin': 'left bottom',
				'-moz-transform-origin': 'left bottom',
				'transform-origin': 'left bottom'
			});

			if(laps == 0){
				$michael.css({right: -44}).appendTo('body');
			}

			goLeft();

			function goLeft() {
				$michael.animate({right: '+=' + speed}, 1, 'linear', function(){
					if(parseInt($michael.css('right')) < ww - 44){
						goLeft();
					}else{
						$michael.css({
							'-webkit-transform': 'rotate(90deg)',
							'-moz-transform': 'rotate(90deg)',
							'transform': 'rotate(90deg)',
							bottom: 44
						});

						goUp();
					}
				});
			}

			function goUp() {
				$michael.animate({bottom: '+=' + speed}, 1, 'linear', function(){
					if(parseInt($michael.css('bottom')) < wh){
						goUp();
					}else{
						$michael.css({
							'-webkit-transform': 'rotate(180deg)',
							'-moz-transform': 'rotate(180deg)',
							'transform': 'rotate(180deg)',
							right: ww - 88
						});

						goRight();
					}
				});
			}

			function goRight() {
				$michael.animate({right: '-=' + speed}, 1, 'linear', function(){
					if(parseInt($michael.css('right')) > 0){
						goRight();
					}else{
						$michael.css({
							'-webkit-transform': 'rotate(270deg)',
							'-moz-transform': 'rotate(270deg)',
							'transform': 'rotate(270deg)',
							right: -44,
							bottom: wh - 44
						});

						goDown();
					}
				});
			}

			function goDown() {
				$michael.animate({bottom: '-=' + speed}, 1, 'linear', function(){
					if(parseInt($michael.css('bottom')) > 0){
						goDown();
					}else{
						laps++;

						if(laps < 2) {
							moonwalk();
						}else{
							$michael.remove();
							$billie[0].pause();
							$firstName.val('').focus();
							$lastName.val('');
						}
					}
				});
			}
		}
	}

	function fuckinSweetFunciton($firstNaem, $lastNam) {
		var $shiemdog = $('<img src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/shiem.gif">');

		$shiemdog.css({
			position: 'fixed',
			right: 0,
			bottom: -453,
			zIndex: 9999
		});

		$shiemdog.appendTo('body').animate({bottom: 0}, 2000, function(){
			setTimeout(function(){
				$shiemdog.animate({bottom: -453}, 1500, function(){
					$shiemdog.remove();
					$('body').off('submit.easterEgg');
				});
			}, 1700);
		});
	}

	function sayTheMagicWord($firstName, $lastName) {
		var $nedry = $('<img src="/assets/shared/img/velociraptor/nedry.gif">'),
			$console = $('<div>&gt;&nbsp; </div>'),
			initCommand = 'access main security grid',
			initResponse = ['access: PERMISSION DENIED','....','and','....'],
			repeatResponse = 'YOU DIDN\'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!<br>';


		$console.css({
			position: 'fixed',
			zIndex: 9998,
			padding: 20,
			background: '#193B9E',
			top: 0,
			left: 0,
			bottom: 0,
			right: 0,
			color: '#fff',
			font: '16px "Lucida Console", Monaco, monospace'
		});

		$nedry.css({
			position: 'fixed',
			right: 10,
			bottom: -248,
			zIndex: 9999
		});

		$console.appendTo('body');
		setTimeout(typeIt, 400);

		var charIndex = 0,
			repeat = false;

		function typeIt() {
			$console.append(initCommand.charAt(charIndex++));

			if(charIndex < initCommand.length){
				setTimeout(typeIt, 90);
			}else{
				$console.append('<br>');
				setTimeout(function(){
					$console.append(initResponse[0]);
					setTimeout(function(){
						$console.append(initResponse[1]);
						setTimeout(function(){
							$console.append(initResponse[2])
							setTimeout(function(){
								$console.append(initResponse[3] + '<br>');
								repeat = true;
								setTimeout(doRepeat, 500);
							}, 300);
						}, 400);
					}, 400);
				}, 750);
			}
		}


		function doRepeat(){
			$console.append(repeatResponse);

			if(repeat){
				setTimeout(doRepeat, 650);
			}else{
				return false;
			}
		}

		setTimeout(function(){
			$nedry.appendTo('body').animate({bottom: 20}, 3000, function(){
				setTimeout(function(){
					$nedry.animate({bottom: -248}, 3000, function(){
						$nedry.remove();
						$console.remove();
						repeat = false;
						$firstName.val('').focus();
						$lastName.val('');
					});
				}, 15000);
			});
		}, 5000);
	}

});