Hey.
If you are reading this, you probably have some strong feelings about your gender identity. You may have questions, or you may have a strong sense of identity and just wonder what's next. You may not even know the basics about gender. All of that is okay. The process is always the same.
The end goal is also always the same: a healthy, safe, authentic life. You deserve to thrive, and nothing you have done will change that.
First things first, remember that this new experience is the real you. Your brain will struggle with that for a while. Imposter syndrome is common, dysphoria (or euphoria) may come and go, and only you can decide what your gender identity actually means to you. If you should come to desire some degree of social or medical transition, remember that transition is personal. Transition (or degree of transition) does not validate or invalidate your identity.
You may feel a great deal of conflict about the dissonance between your body and the body you desire. Be compassionate in choosing that target. Whatever you look like, there's someone of your identified gender with basically the same body and face, out there killin' it. Find that person and emulate them, rather than pounding your face against things out of your control. If you feel the desire or need to make physical changes, that's okay, too.
For many people, it gets harder before it gets easier. Some people in your life may think this is something you are choosing, rather than something that is core to you. It may help to explain that it's like left-handedness; something unchosen, which still demands specific behaviors.
It also might not help to explain. You may have to make major life changes to find safe spaces in which to rebuild your persona. This is not weakness or a character flaw; setting yourself up for success is a strength.
You may have to mourn some relationships, but you aren't doing this to anyone. You are accepting a truth about yourself, and taking steps to protect your physical and emotional health. If, in the course of your exploration, you find a barrier you can't climb over, you may have to go around it. You may have to change your environment. But even if you find yourself temporarily isolated, you are not alone.
Here are some links to get you started:
- Psychology Today transgender therapist list - usually the first step for anyone gender questioning. You can filter by insurance, location, provider gender, etc.
- LGBT 101 - a short video introduction to LGBT topics and identities
- asktg wiki - all the frequently asked questions from the popular asktransgender subreddit
- resources for families of transpeople - some of these might be helpful to you, too
- a great presentation about trans health issues - a little scary, with a medical focus, but critical, life-saving info nonetheless
- voice training resources - voice training takes a lot of time and is reversible, so it's a good thing to think about as a first step if you want to transition. If you are transfeminine, I like these vids. I also like the instructors at this lab that offers solo and group-based online training.
- a great guide for transmasculine presentation
Lastly,
- Here's a template for a disclosure document like the one I read to my Dad. It's based on matching the tone of an adversarial loved one, and then bringing them back to meet you midway.
- Here's a list of linkable quick guides about how to talk to and about trans people, for those people in your life who just might not know.
Good luck, sibling. 🌈 🦄 💝
Edit:
- 2019/04/24 - updated to include v5.3 of Dr. Powers' presentation
- 2019/03/06 - updated to include v5.2 of Dr. Powers' presentation
- 2018/06/29 - updated to include v4 of Dr. Powers' presentation
- 2018/05/28 - updated to be less specific to people who already know how they identify, and moved it to github
- 2018/02/04 - added transmasculine presentation guide link
- 2017/10/26 - updated to include v3 of Dr. Powers' presentation
- 2017/11/05 - added link to "how to talk to" guides