united_we_fall_ep3_subtitle

gistfile1.txt

1
00:00:00,266 --> 00:00:01,711
Come on, Emily. Time to go.

2
00:00:01,736 --> 00:00:04,131
Oh, my God. It's 7:05!

3
00:00:04,156 --> 00:00:06,468
How is it so early and
we're already so late?

4
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:08,484
Phone. Where's my phone?

5
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,946
- Where's my phone?
- Babe, I'm sorry.

6
00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:12,136
I can't pretend to care where
your phone is right now.

7
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,718
- Hon, call it, please.
- Okay.

8
00:00:16,248 --> 00:00:17,429
Hey, where's my phone?

9
00:00:17,454 --> 00:00:18,920
Jo? Jo, where's my phone?

10
00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:20,507
- Really, babe?
- I need it!

11
00:00:20,532 --> 00:00:22,108
I need... Mom, Mom. [WHISTLES]

12
00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:23,460
Could you call my phone, please?

13
00:00:23,485 --> 00:00:24,711
- Yeah. It's ringing.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATING]

14
00:00:24,735 --> 00:00:26,757
Shut up! Everyone shut up!

15
00:00:28,757 --> 00:00:31,210
Oop. Got it.

16
00:00:31,235 --> 00:00:32,937
- Call mine.
- Yeah.

17
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,726
Wa-ah! Ooh!

18
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,257
Good morning.

19
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:43,671
Mom, could you at least help us
get Emily's shoes on, please?

20
00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:45,257
Yeah, I-I-I would love to, but...

21
00:00:45,282 --> 00:00:47,453
[RETCHES, SPITS]

22
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,437
I'm very busy.

23
00:00:49,462 --> 00:00:50,944
Busy being disgusting or...?

24
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:52,351
No! [LAUGHS]

25
00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:55,144
No, I'm harvesting my saliva.

26
00:00:56,569 --> 00:00:59,890
I'm doing it for an Ancestry DNA kit.

27
00:00:59,915 --> 00:01:02,898
They take three test tubes of spit

28
00:01:02,923 --> 00:01:06,429
and weave together
the tapestry of your heritage.

29
00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:07,945
Weave the what?

30
00:01:07,970 --> 00:01:09,648
Bill, get the lunches, please.

31
00:01:09,673 --> 00:01:10,828
Emily, put your shoes on.

32
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,562
- Why?
- Because we have to go to school.

33
00:01:12,587 --> 00:01:14,132
I don't want to go to school!

34
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,796
I don't want to do anything
I'm doing, so...

35
00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:19,906
Fine, if you don't want
to put on your shoes,

36
00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:21,459
Mommy will just put them on for you.

37
00:01:21,484 --> 00:01:23,051
[SCREAMS]

38
00:01:23,976 --> 00:01:25,968
I'm not even touching you.

39
00:01:26,792 --> 00:01:28,335
[SINGSONG VOICE] Carpool's here!

40
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,227
It is way too early for that.

41
00:01:30,252 --> 00:01:32,625
Early? It's 7:09.

42
00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:35,414
I've already taken 30,000
steps and read the Bible.

43
00:01:36,917 --> 00:01:39,164
And I fixed your mailbox on the way in.

44
00:01:39,189 --> 00:01:41,257
I was gonna get to that this weekend.

45
00:01:41,282 --> 00:01:43,312
Yeah, well, it was on
my "to-do for you list."

46
00:01:43,743 --> 00:01:45,734
And I know you don't respect breakfast,

47
00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:47,906
so I brought over some organic granola.

48
00:01:48,097 --> 00:01:49,234
Thank you.

49
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:50,959
Sometimes you're a nice brother.

50
00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:52,492
It's for Sandy.

51
00:01:54,036 --> 00:01:55,539
Thank you, Chuy.

52
00:01:55,564 --> 00:01:56,859
I'm sure I'll enjoy it

53
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,218
as soon as I replenish my saliva.

54
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,539
Mm.

55
00:02:01,564 --> 00:02:03,382
Chuy, you are an inspiration.

56
00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:04,992
Honestly, I don't know why these two

57
00:02:05,017 --> 00:02:06,742
can't get out the door in the morning.

58
00:02:06,767 --> 00:02:09,765
Well, behind every man is a
great woman just doing it all.

59
00:02:09,790 --> 00:02:11,623
You know, my wife, Brie.

60
00:02:11,648 --> 00:02:12,835
Hey, Bill?

61
00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:14,617
It's too bad Jo can't do it all.

62
00:02:14,642 --> 00:02:16,203
Right, Bill?

63
00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:19,078
I'm gonna go get my bag.

64
00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:22,101
Oh, Bill, Bill, can you get
the check for the day care?

65
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:23,692
Wait, what did you just say?

66
00:02:23,717 --> 00:02:25,016
The check for the...

67
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,203
Day care?

68
00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:28,875
My beautiful goddaughter's in day care?

69
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,023
- [SPITS]
- Exactly!

70
00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:34,296
This child is a genius.

71
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,125
She needs to be in preschool.

72
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:38,687
Well, good reason she's not.

73
00:02:38,712 --> 00:02:40,007
We forgot to apply.

74
00:02:40,032 --> 00:02:41,331
[SCOFFS]

75
00:02:41,356 --> 00:02:42,555
You forgot?

76
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,392
Well, you know how it
is with your second kid...

77
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:45,849
Sort of forget you have them?

78
00:02:47,285 --> 00:02:50,664
Alright, so, Lulu's just
gonna rot for a year

79
00:02:50,689 --> 00:02:52,093
with a bunch of dum-dum babies?

80
00:02:52,118 --> 00:02:53,517
Hey, hey!

81
00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,257
Some of them are toddlers.

82
00:02:55,282 --> 00:02:57,750
Okay, I will fix this.

83
00:02:57,775 --> 00:02:59,486
I'll put in a word with
Rainbow Beginnings.

84
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:02,226
It's where my kids went,
and they're perfect.

85
00:03:02,251 --> 00:03:03,921
These kids aren't.

86
00:03:04,353 --> 00:03:07,234
Yeah, thanks, Chuy,
but we can take care of our own kids.

87
00:03:07,259 --> 00:03:08,859
Let's go. Bill, get the stroller.

88
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,016
Okay.

89
00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:17,582
[CHUY LAUGHS]

90
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:34,750
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

91
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,380
[KEYS CLATTER]

92
00:03:46,844 --> 00:03:47,987
Oh, my God.

93
00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:49,511
It's 7:05.

94
00:03:49,781 --> 00:03:52,367
How is it so early and feels so late?

95
00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:56,164
So, is there just always traffic now?

96
00:03:56,189 --> 00:03:57,388
Is that it?

97
00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,124
Let's homeschool the kids.

98
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:00,248
[CHUCKLES]

99
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,757
Because of traffic?

100
00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:04,726
Maybe.

101
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,117
- What's for dinner?
- [SIGHS]

102
00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:10,828
Why does there have to
be dinner every night?

103
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,747
Do you think there's
any chance in the world

104
00:04:14,772 --> 00:04:16,857
your mom made dinner for us?

105
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,773
I just had the most wonderful dinner.

106
00:04:20,654 --> 00:04:23,433
I'm so glad I took that
cooking-for-one class.

107
00:04:23,458 --> 00:04:25,224
Oh, yum!

108
00:04:27,631 --> 00:04:29,965
We can't keep going
across town every day

109
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:32,076
for the next three years.

110
00:04:32,101 --> 00:04:34,323
Maybe you should take
Chuy up on his advice.

111
00:04:34,348 --> 00:04:37,213
I mean, I looked at the website
for Rainbow Beginnings,

112
00:04:37,238 --> 00:04:39,171
and it looks like a terrific preschool.

113
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,497
And it's a block away
from Emily's school.

114
00:04:45,603 --> 00:04:47,036
It is?

115
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,682
Anyway, I'm dying to get
my test results back

116
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:50,982
from the DNA thing.

117
00:04:51,007 --> 00:04:54,453
I know we're Irish,
but this is an Italian nose.

118
00:04:56,118 --> 00:04:58,195
Somebody had an affair.

119
00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:01,093
As... urgent as that is,

120
00:05:01,118 --> 00:05:04,039
babe, how did we not know that
Rainbow Beginnings is so close?

121
00:05:04,530 --> 00:05:05,779
We got to do this.

122
00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:08,357
I mean, it's one drop-off.

123
00:05:09,374 --> 00:05:10,992
That's the dream.

124
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,931
Do we... dare to dream?

125
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,476
I had penne for dinner.

126
00:05:20,063 --> 00:05:21,396
Oh, fun fact!

127
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,449
"Penne" means "penis"!

128
00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:25,412
Who knew?!

129
00:05:25,437 --> 00:05:28,487
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

130
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,056
Sweetheart, with one drop-off,

131
00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:31,561
I could actually get to work on time.

132
00:05:31,586 --> 00:05:33,532
You know, they never promote me
'cause I always show up sweaty,

133
00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:35,992
and, you know... they never
promote the sweaty guy.

134
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:41,154
Yes, but Lulu loves it where she is.

135
00:05:41,179 --> 00:05:42,389
I mean, she's made friends.

136
00:05:42,414 --> 00:05:44,515
True, true. Pulling her out
right now would be traumatic.

137
00:05:44,539 --> 00:05:45,928
You're right.

138
00:05:46,164 --> 00:05:48,683
Eh. We never get to see our friends.
Why should she?

139
00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:49,940
Let's do it.

140
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,734
I think you're making
a wonderful decision.

141
00:05:54,158 --> 00:05:56,271
Well, the fact that you're
on board makes me hate it,

142
00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:58,320
- but we're still gonna do it.
- We're gonna do it.

143
00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:05,624
Wow. Ms. Molina, this place is gorgeous.

144
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:07,959
The little desks and the little chairs.

145
00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:10,334
It's like a little school.

146
00:06:10,359 --> 00:06:13,570
It is. It is a preschool.

147
00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:16,818
That is, without a doubt,

148
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,025
the finest sandbox I have ever seen.

149
00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:20,116
Thank you.

150
00:06:20,141 --> 00:06:23,075
And, of course,
we take safety very seriously.

151
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,045
Obviously, this is a nut-free zone.

152
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:26,535
Oh, well, that might be a problem

153
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,153
because Lulu is a bit of a nut.

154
00:06:29,178 --> 00:06:30,511
[LAUGHS]

155
00:06:31,242 --> 00:06:33,804
Nuts can kill some of our students.

156
00:06:34,484 --> 00:06:36,125
Yeah, Jo, come on.

157
00:06:36,609 --> 00:06:38,080
Excuse me.

158
00:06:38,105 --> 00:06:42,002
So, I hope... you know
isn't intimidated.

159
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,938
This is a big step. I know.

160
00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:45,494
I know. It's all kind
of hitting me, you know?

161
00:06:45,518 --> 00:06:47,333
She's not a baby anymore, and, uh,

162
00:06:47,358 --> 00:06:49,831
we're not... not having any more babies.

163
00:06:49,856 --> 00:06:52,138
- Dear God, no.
- No. That's it.

164
00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:54,774
It's like... no more babies.

165
00:06:54,799 --> 00:06:56,182
[VOICE BREAKING] I love babies.

166
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,877
Ooh. Sorry.

167
00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:03,949
Well, you're in the system now, Lulu.

168
00:07:03,974 --> 00:07:06,252
It's over. Good luck.

169
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:14,298
Lulu... I know this
place is big and scary,

170
00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:15,337
but you know what?

171
00:07:15,362 --> 00:07:17,553
In a few days, you're gonna
make some friends and...

172
00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:18,948
Bye!

173
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:21,760
[SCREAMS]

174
00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:24,549
That bitch.

175
00:07:26,471 --> 00:07:29,573
Doesn't she know how emotionally
fragile we are right now?

176
00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:31,477
[SIGHS]

177
00:07:31,502 --> 00:07:32,845
So, now what?

178
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:37,219
Well, now we walk Emily
next door to her school,

179
00:07:37,244 --> 00:07:38,928
and we have 45 minutes
until work starts,

180
00:07:38,953 --> 00:07:40,686
so maybe we have a...

181
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:41,877
[GASPS]

182
00:07:41,902 --> 00:07:44,446
- [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS]
- Car party!

183
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:47,551
[MUSIC STOPS]

184
00:07:47,576 --> 00:07:49,332
I have been staring at my phone

185
00:07:49,357 --> 00:07:52,388
for eight solid minutes
without anyone interrupting.

186
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:55,099
Hey, did you know that
we had a new President?

187
00:07:55,874 --> 00:07:58,662
Reaction... is real mixed.

188
00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:03,949
I cannot wait to waste
this time every day!

189
00:08:03,974 --> 00:08:06,135
I'm not gonna do anything responsible.

190
00:08:07,369 --> 00:08:09,739
Uhp! Score. Half-eaten
baggie of Goldfish.

191
00:08:09,764 --> 00:08:10,997
Ooh, gimme!

192
00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:13,740
Ohh!

193
00:08:13,765 --> 00:08:15,168
- Mm. Here, catch.
- Oh.

194
00:08:15,193 --> 00:08:16,701
There we go.

195
00:08:17,552 --> 00:08:19,615
This is our best date ever.

196
00:08:19,961 --> 00:08:21,727
Oh, God. That's sad.

197
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,490
No, this is amazing.

198
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:26,832
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

199
00:08:26,857 --> 00:08:29,185
Oh. It's the preschool.

200
00:08:29,414 --> 00:08:30,795
Hello?

201
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,339
Okay.

202
00:08:35,464 --> 00:08:37,716
- Okay. Shh!
- What's happening?

203
00:08:38,098 --> 00:08:39,762
Okay, thank you. We will be right in.

204
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,270
- Thank you.
- What happened?

205
00:08:41,295 --> 00:08:44,662
Lulu bit Casper.

206
00:08:48,356 --> 00:08:50,022
So...

207
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:53,123
Casper is a child?

208
00:08:53,817 --> 00:08:57,510
Someone chose to name
their child... Casper?

209
00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,595
Guessing you've heard all

210
00:08:59,629 --> 00:09:01,590
- the "friendly ghost" jokes...
- I've heard them.

211
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,510
I mean, they're kids.

212
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:05,852
Biting's a thing that happens, right?

213
00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:07,740
It's not that big a deal.

214
00:09:07,765 --> 00:09:09,823
Mommy!

215
00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:11,698
Oh, my God!

216
00:09:12,436 --> 00:09:14,914
We're also learning about cherries.

217
00:09:14,939 --> 00:09:17,635
- [GASPS] Oh.
- [SIGHING] Okay.

218
00:09:22,112 --> 00:09:23,945
[KEYS CLATTER]

219
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,840
Oh, good. You're home.

220
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:29,088
Doesn't this look exactly like me?

221
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,463
BILL: Ohh.

222
00:09:35,706 --> 00:09:38,474
Hitting the wine a little
early tonight, huh?

223
00:09:38,975 --> 00:09:41,357
I'm telling you, we're Italian.

224
00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:44,050
That explains why I love pasta.

225
00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:48,193
Definitely explains why I love penne.

226
00:09:51,546 --> 00:09:53,978
Because I told you last night
that "penne" means...

227
00:09:54,003 --> 00:09:56,568
- Yeah, yeah, we got it!
- Would you stop talking, please?

228
00:09:57,187 --> 00:09:59,153
- Penis.
- [THUD]

229
00:10:00,179 --> 00:10:02,395
How was Lulu's first day?

230
00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:03,420
Oh, it was amazing.

231
00:10:03,445 --> 00:10:05,045
- It was really, really great.
- So good!

232
00:10:06,553 --> 00:10:08,295
We're not gonna tell her
about the biting, right?

233
00:10:08,319 --> 00:10:10,310
Oh, never. Her or Chuy.

234
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:11,996
SANDY: Oh, my God!

235
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,075
Hopefully, that just means we're
related to Pacino or something.

236
00:10:15,888 --> 00:10:18,269
I just found this in Lulu's bag.

237
00:10:18,396 --> 00:10:21,927
It says she's a-a... a biter?

238
00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:24,031
"Incident report"?

239
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:25,404
Well, the school already told us.

240
00:10:25,429 --> 00:10:27,091
They also have to write her up?

241
00:10:27,116 --> 00:10:29,349
This thing is eight pages long!

242
00:10:29,374 --> 00:10:31,707
There's recommended reading?

243
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,591
How did we end up with homework?

244
00:10:33,989 --> 00:10:36,989
They never did this kind of
thing at Emily's preschool.

245
00:10:37,014 --> 00:10:38,373
Yeah, the only time they ever called us

246
00:10:38,397 --> 00:10:39,888
was when our check bounced.

247
00:10:39,913 --> 00:10:43,388
The pictures from the security
cameras are very disturbing.

248
00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:46,080
Lulu looks up at the camera and laughs.

249
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,739
I think she bit Casper for a thrill.

250
00:10:50,247 --> 00:10:52,622
Mom, kids bite, okay? It's fine.

251
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,408
Well, you did have that "rubbing
yourself against blocks"

252
00:10:56,433 --> 00:10:58,080
incident in the first grade.

253
00:10:58,105 --> 00:10:59,455
Mom!

254
00:11:00,895 --> 00:11:02,161
What?

255
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,331
No, I-I... I was...

256
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:08,705
cleaning them on my pants.

257
00:11:11,688 --> 00:11:13,806
You know, your dad was a biter.

258
00:11:13,831 --> 00:11:15,916
Not that I didn't enjoy
it from time to time...

259
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,653
- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

260
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,924
A biter? A biter?!

261
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:21,015
How do you know?

262
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,306
I'm on the board.
I get every incident report.

263
00:11:23,331 --> 00:11:24,595
Why?

264
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:27,220
[SIGHS] This needs to be handled.

265
00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:28,642
Okay.

266
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,891
Okay, uh... Lulu doesn't
have our last name.

267
00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,649
She has Bill's last name,
so that's good.

268
00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:35,279
Um, I can call in some favors.

269
00:11:35,304 --> 00:11:37,337
We can steal the footage.

270
00:11:37,439 --> 00:11:39,384
And we need to go on the attack.

271
00:11:39,988 --> 00:11:42,111
We are gonna destroy Casper.

272
00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:45,455
I was thinking exactly the same thing.

273
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,447
Oh, you are as wise
as you are beautiful.

274
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:49,017
Oh, Chuy.

275
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:51,869
Can we have a snack?

276
00:11:51,894 --> 00:11:52,894
Okay.

277
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:55,963
Could you two give us a sec
so we could talk to Lulu?

278
00:11:57,479 --> 00:12:00,142
Or... just stay right there. Whatever.

279
00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:03,140
Hey, Lulu?

280
00:12:03,165 --> 00:12:05,439
Today you did something that was...

281
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:07,064
not okay.

282
00:12:09,366 --> 00:12:11,595
I don't think that really sunk in.

283
00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,429
Mom, please?

284
00:12:13,454 --> 00:12:17,799
Lulu, you bit Casper,
and that's a no-no.

285
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:21,076
Okay? We don't bite, okay?

286
00:12:21,777 --> 00:12:22,842
Look.

287
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:23,920
Rrrrnh!

288
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:25,496
No.

289
00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:27,147
Rrrrnh!

290
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:28,944
That's a no.

291
00:12:29,528 --> 00:12:30,803
Blapo do.

292
00:12:30,828 --> 00:12:33,576
"Blapo do" means "okay."

293
00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:36,030
Blah-bleep dookey do.

294
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,967
Blah-bleep dookey do.

295
00:12:37,992 --> 00:12:39,748
She's got it.

296
00:12:40,506 --> 00:12:42,791
Bah-bleep do-do-do.

297
00:12:42,816 --> 00:12:43,948
[LAUGHS]

298
00:12:43,973 --> 00:12:45,655
- What...
- What does that mean?

299
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,546
It's a sick burn.

300
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:56,276
So, that's handled.

301
00:12:56,301 --> 00:13:00,537
♪♪

302
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:02,717
Hey, Ms. Molina.

303
00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:04,945
Thank you so much
for the incident report.

304
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:07,405
We did all the recommended reading.

305
00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:09,912
Supes interesting. [CHUCKLES]

306
00:13:09,937 --> 00:13:11,795
I actually tapped out around 2:00 a.m.,

307
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:15,225
but I get the gist... Biting bad.

308
00:13:15,397 --> 00:13:16,419
Great.

309
00:13:16,444 --> 00:13:18,897
And obviously, Lulu is new.

310
00:13:18,922 --> 00:13:20,858
It's normal to have bumps in the road.

311
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,858
Thank you so much for understanding.

312
00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:25,356
Just let us know if there's
anything else you need from us.

313
00:13:25,381 --> 00:13:27,014
- Alright.
- Wait.

314
00:13:27,282 --> 00:13:28,982
Where are you going?

315
00:13:29,178 --> 00:13:30,787
- To work.
- To work.

316
00:13:30,812 --> 00:13:32,378
To stop biting behavior,

317
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,798
you need to catch it in
action and redirect it.

318
00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:36,951
Well, good luck catching it.

319
00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:38,287
And redirecting it.

320
00:13:38,312 --> 00:13:42,247
And the parents need to do
the observing and redirecting

321
00:13:42,272 --> 00:13:44,239
for it to be most effective.

322
00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:46,446
This was all in the recommended reading.

323
00:13:46,471 --> 00:13:48,811
- It was?
- Yeah, Bill. [SCOFFS]

324
00:13:49,756 --> 00:13:51,671
Let me get this straight...
Instead of going to work,

325
00:13:51,695 --> 00:13:54,918
you want us to... stay here
and watch our kid?

326
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:58,506
At the place we thought we
were paying to watch our kid?

327
00:13:58,947 --> 00:14:00,547
Thank you!

328
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:04,944
♪♪

329
00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:09,522
[KIDS SCREAMING]

330
00:14:10,932 --> 00:14:13,092
Hey. How'd the first shift go?

331
00:14:13,117 --> 00:14:15,287
It was the world's most boring stakeout.

332
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,272
Four hours of absolutely nothing.

333
00:14:17,297 --> 00:14:19,451
Although, a good portion
of that was a nap.

334
00:14:19,476 --> 00:14:21,709
Oh, so, the kids napped already?

335
00:14:22,043 --> 00:14:24,162
Sure. Yeah. Let's say it was them.

336
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,490
Babe, I can't believe this is happening.

337
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:28,452
You know, Emily was supposed
to be the weird one

338
00:14:28,477 --> 00:14:30,709
- and Lulu was easy.
- I know.

339
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,358
Now the easy one is the... psycho one

340
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:34,916
and the weird one is...

341
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,873
well, still the weird one.

342
00:14:37,532 --> 00:14:39,065
MS. MOLINA: Lulu!

343
00:14:40,058 --> 00:14:41,791
Maybe there's two Lulus?

344
00:14:42,741 --> 00:14:46,037
There has been a second,
more disturbing incident.

345
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:52,303
So, she killed someone or...?

346
00:14:52,328 --> 00:14:55,662
♪♪

347
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:58,853
Lulu kissed Casper.

348
00:15:01,096 --> 00:15:03,307
My son was kissed!

349
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,106
Kissed.

350
00:15:06,410 --> 00:15:09,674
These are Casper's parents,
Kendra and Casper Senior.

351
00:15:09,699 --> 00:15:10,739
- [SNORTS]
- [LAUGHS]

352
00:15:10,764 --> 00:15:12,291
[COUGHS]

353
00:15:12,316 --> 00:15:13,548
[GRUNTS]

354
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:19,644
They have asked to have a dialogue.

355
00:15:19,856 --> 00:15:22,414
Last night, Casper was so upset,

356
00:15:22,439 --> 00:15:24,596
he couldn't even eat his vegetables.

357
00:15:25,064 --> 00:15:27,150
Yeah, that sounds unrelated.

358
00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:29,508
He's vegan.

359
00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:31,211
He's literally starving.

360
00:15:31,236 --> 00:15:32,511
Was probably starving before.

361
00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:33,536
Hello.

362
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,949
They're just children. I mean, come on.

363
00:15:36,974 --> 00:15:39,274
Haven't you guys been through
this with your other kids?

364
00:15:39,299 --> 00:15:41,820
Um, we care about the environment,

365
00:15:41,845 --> 00:15:44,419
so Casper is our only child, and...

366
00:15:46,795 --> 00:15:48,300
So... Okay...

367
00:15:48,325 --> 00:15:50,619
So, you guys don't know anything? Okay.

368
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:53,232
I'm sorry?

369
00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:55,591
Eh, it's alright. No need to apologize.

370
00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,838
Look, why don't we just
keep Casper and Lulu

371
00:15:59,863 --> 00:16:01,525
away from each other, okay?

372
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:06,321
Well, not okay, because Lulu
is Casper's only friend.

373
00:16:06,914 --> 00:16:08,664
What is happening?

374
00:16:09,797 --> 00:16:11,750
It's the process.

375
00:16:11,775 --> 00:16:14,995
We'd like to engage in
regular mediation sessions,

376
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,624
- and in a few months, when we finish...
- Months? Whoa, whoa.

377
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:20,993
We can't do that. We work.

378
00:16:21,018 --> 00:16:23,264
Have you heard of that? Work?

379
00:16:23,289 --> 00:16:25,875
Yes. We've heard of that.

380
00:16:26,922 --> 00:16:28,889
Then why don't you have to do it?

381
00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:31,524
My great-grandfather invented straws.

382
00:16:33,787 --> 00:16:35,610
And I married him.

383
00:16:37,848 --> 00:16:40,669
Okay, that does seem like
a lot of work, actually.

384
00:16:41,305 --> 00:16:43,620
Let's keep the focus on the children.

385
00:16:43,645 --> 00:16:46,972
Here's what happened...
Lulu had Magna-Tiles.

386
00:16:46,997 --> 00:16:49,206
Casper wanted them,
he tried to take them,

387
00:16:49,231 --> 00:16:50,558
so she bit him.

388
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:52,355
She was just protecting herself.

389
00:16:52,380 --> 00:16:54,895
Au contraire!

390
00:16:56,070 --> 00:17:01,191
Lulu aggressively invaded
Casper's space by kissing him.

391
00:17:01,216 --> 00:17:03,614
If she was a CEO, she would be fired.

392
00:17:04,622 --> 00:17:06,128
Maybe not.

393
00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:08,730
No, no, no, no.
That's up to the shareholders.

394
00:17:12,846 --> 00:17:15,987
Will you listen to us?
We all sound stupid!

395
00:17:16,012 --> 00:17:19,989
Often, the process does not...

396
00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:22,043
sound smart.

397
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:26,769
Look, all kids are psycho, okay?

398
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:29,112
I took the day off to learn that...

399
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:32,323
Roberto eats sand, Julia picks her nose,

400
00:17:32,348 --> 00:17:34,942
Felix cleans the blocks on his pants.

401
00:17:38,066 --> 00:17:40,081
You know what? I'm sorry.

402
00:17:40,106 --> 00:17:41,839
I-I should be at work. Okay?

403
00:17:41,864 --> 00:17:43,792
I don't believe we've finished.

404
00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:46,835
Uh, I'm sorry,
but all we want from preschool

405
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,097
is to drop our kid off and pick her up.

406
00:17:49,122 --> 00:17:50,959
Right, and we ask, "How
was school?" and she says,

407
00:17:50,983 --> 00:17:51,997
"Good," and that's it.

408
00:17:52,022 --> 00:17:53,412
Yeah, and then... And then we're...

409
00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:55,560
We're like, "Oh, come on,
something must have happened."

410
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,562
And she's like, "Why do you
guys need to know everything?

411
00:17:57,586 --> 00:17:59,146
Get off my back!" You know what I mean?

412
00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:01,083
Yeah, and then... and then she,
like, storms up to her room,

413
00:18:01,107 --> 00:18:02,486
and we're like,
"What the hell's her problem?"

414
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:04,342
And then we don't know what to do,
so we say something like,

415
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:06,622
"Hey! No vaping!"

416
00:18:07,891 --> 00:18:09,640
That's it! Okay?

417
00:18:09,665 --> 00:18:12,067
We just want 12 years of that!

418
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,754
Normal stuff!

419
00:18:13,779 --> 00:18:14,779
- Right, normal.
- Okay?

420
00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:15,903
- Normal!
- You know, just normal.

421
00:18:15,927 --> 00:18:17,204
- Normal!
- You know, like a normal life,

422
00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:18,339
- like normal people would...
- Normal!

423
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,966
- You know, normal...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

424
00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:24,997
Can I see you in the time-out tent?

425
00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:29,036
[WHISPERING] You're in trouble.

426
00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:35,288
♪♪

427
00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:37,680
Thank. You. For. That.

428
00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:40,159
What?

429
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,296
So, we're not in trouble?

430
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:45,354
Because that little
rat with the mustache

431
00:18:45,379 --> 00:18:46,779
said we were in trouble.

432
00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:49,068
The parents get worse every year.

433
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,004
Biting is totally age-appropriate.

434
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:54,007
But these parents get way too
involved in their kids' lives.

435
00:18:54,148 --> 00:18:56,539
Ah, well, you never have
to worry about that with us.

436
00:18:57,141 --> 00:18:59,045
Get out of here and go to work.

437
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,070
We don't need to talk
for the rest of the year.

438
00:19:01,095 --> 00:19:03,140
[GASPS] Really?

439
00:19:03,174 --> 00:19:05,875
Yeah. I like kids.

440
00:19:06,093 --> 00:19:07,954
But I hate parents.

441
00:19:07,979 --> 00:19:09,453
No offense.

442
00:19:09,478 --> 00:19:10,823
Are you kidding?

443
00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:12,812
We hate parents, too!

444
00:19:13,313 --> 00:19:15,678
I was so worried because
you're Chuy's sister.

445
00:19:15,703 --> 00:19:16,819
He is...

446
00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:18,367
Oh, yeah, he is.

447
00:19:18,647 --> 00:19:20,899
And I've got nine brothers.

448
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:22,557
He's the best one.

449
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:27,173
He always makes us feel bad
'cause his kids are perfect.

450
00:19:27,198 --> 00:19:28,748
Perfect? Ha.

451
00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:30,533
One of them used to poop in the cubby.

452
00:19:32,265 --> 00:19:35,348
We are gonna be best friends.

453
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,939
Anyway, will you do me a favor

454
00:19:36,964 --> 00:19:39,552
and look really upset
when we leave the tent?

455
00:19:39,577 --> 00:19:40,887
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

456
00:19:40,912 --> 00:19:42,344
I'm a good fake crier.

457
00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:43,965
Fake?

458
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:45,290
[CHUCKLING] Okay.

459
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:58,226
We got reamed.

460
00:19:58,251 --> 00:20:00,789
Yeah, we learned a big lesson today.

461
00:20:02,987 --> 00:20:05,011
[WHISPERING] We didn't
learn a lesson at all.

462
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,991
♪♪

463
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:11,131
Well, the biter's down.

464
00:20:12,913 --> 00:20:14,459
What about the weirdo?

465
00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:16,091
She wouldn't brush her teeth,

466
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,264
and then she drew a spider on her face.

467
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:20,797
Eh, we'll wash it off in the morning.

468
00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:22,147
With a Sharpie.

469
00:20:24,578 --> 00:20:26,084
Does it look cool?

470
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:27,826
Nope.

471
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,756
I have terrible news.

472
00:20:35,226 --> 00:20:36,622
Uh-oh. What happened?

473
00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:38,459
We're not Italian.

474
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,223
We're Dutch!

475
00:20:43,058 --> 00:20:45,584
I'm-a so sad!

476
00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:49,194
[SOBBING]

477
00:20:49,693 --> 00:20:50,893
Mom, you're crushing my penne.

478
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:52,647
Oh! I'm so...

479
00:20:52,672 --> 00:20:56,022
♪♪