Look at all the work!

Dockerfile

FROM ubuntu
COPY ./* /
RUN chmod +x /*.sh

CMD /run.sh

log.sh

#/bin/bash
# this script helps you do hackerish stuff

if [ "$EUID" -ne 0 ]
then
  echo "Please run as root to be hackerish."
  exit
fi

# turn off globbing
set -f
# split on newlines only for for loops
IFS='
'
for log in $(find /var/log -type f); do
  # only use the log if it's a text file; we _will_ encounter some archived logs
  if [ `file $log | grep -e text | wc -l` -ne 0 ]
  then
    echo $log
    for line in $(cat $log); do
      echo $line
      # sleep for a random duration between 0 and 1/4 seconds to indicate hard hackerish work
      bc -l <<< $(bc <<< "$RANDOM % 10")" / 40" | xargs sleep
    done
  fi
done

run.sh

#!/bin/bash
collect()
{
    while read line;do
        if [ -d "$line" ];then
            (for i in "$line"/*;do echo $i;done)|sort -R|collect
            echo $line
        elif [[ "$line" == *".h" ]];then
            echo $line
        fi
    done
}

sse="$(awk '/flags/{print;exit}' </proc/cpuinfo|grep -o 'sse\S*'|sed 's/^/-m/'|xargs)"

flags=""
pd="\\"

while true;do
    collect <<< /usr/include|cut -d/ -f4-|
    (
        while read line;do
            if [ "$(dirname "$line")" != "$pd" ];then
                x=$((RANDOM%8-3))
                if [[ "$x" != "-"* ]];then
                    ssef="$(sed 's/\( *\S\S*\)\{'"$x,$x"'\}$//' <<< "$sse")"
                fi
                pd="$(dirname "$line")"
                opt="-O$((RANDOM%4))"
                if [[ "$((RANDOM%2))" == 0 ]];then
                    pipe=-pipe
                fi
                case $((RANDOM%4)) in
                    0) arch=-m32;;
                    1) arch="";;
                    *) arch=-m64;;
                esac
                if [[ "$((RANDOM%3))" == 0 ]];then
                    gnu="-D_GNU_SOURCE=1 -D_REENTRANT -D_POSIX_C_SOURCE=200112L "
                fi
                flags="gcc -w $(xargs -n1 <<< "opt pipe gnu ssef arch"|sort -R|(while read line;do eval echo \$$line;done))"
            fi
            if [ -d "/usr/include/$line" ];then
                echo $flags -shared $(for i in /usr/include/$line/*.h;do cut -d/ -f4- <<< "$i"|sed 's/h$/o/';done) -o "$line"".so"
                sleep $((RANDOM%2+1))
            else
                line=$(sed 's/h$//' <<< "$line")
                echo $flags -c $line"c" -o $line"o"
                sleep 0.$((RANDOM%4))
            fi
        done
    )
done