I have attempted to focus on my strengths to help power through struggle. It has been a challenge.
I struggled to reach out in the beginning of the mod, but I've gotten more comfortable showing others my code and implementing suggestions. I'm a learner and a leader without a doubt. My mod has showed me tremendous grattitude throughout the first 5 weeks specifically at retro. They thank me for being the only person I know how to be, and I admit that it feels good to be viewed as an approachable leader in stressful times. What they do not realize is that they have helped me to remember who I am in a difficult period. I have never experienced this much stress and anxiety at any point that I can rememeber. I had carved out a stress free lifestyle up until Turing, so dealing with new emotions has really been a struggle for me. Imposter syndrome is incredibly accurate.
My understanding of strengths has not changed, but my strengths have been tested. I had a really hard time understanding our first individual project of the Linked List, but through feedback, encouragement, and many hours of learning and struggle I managed to push through. Seeing myself through the lense of leadership and learning has certainly helped me to wake up and be myself after a hard day. Leading through abilities outside of teaching or understanding code has been a strong suit that I will continue to employ. Hopefully, at some point, I can also use my leadership to teach others who are struggling through conecpts and technical issues.
My Turing experience thus far has not been at all what I imagined. Meeting new people and creating new relationships that I value has come very easily. The struggle has been based around my personal performance not meeting my own expectations or the expectations of the instructors. Everyone wants to believe they are hard working, but the truth is generally somewhat different. I have worked much harder in the last few weeks than I had in the beginning. Managing my life outside Turing has been a struggle. I don't want to let the people in my life down, but at this point they and I finally understand what kind of commitment this program demands. Time management cost me early on, but I am now more focused. I do not want to fail for lack of effort, and I understand that I must put in the time to earn the results that I desire. To be honest my successes feel limited, but I can remember a few small wins. This past week I've been going back through old assignments, homework, and diagnostics form the first few weeks. I have a much more firm grasp on concepts that felt alien only a few weeks ago. I have been able to contribute more than I thought I was capable of on both paired projects. I still struggle when alone more than I want to, but I'm becoming more comfortable with the tools available to me. Just reminding myself that there is always a solution even if at the moment I don't see it has been helpful. Having the opportunity to hear Jeff speak about his personal life, asking him a question he answered thoroughly, and being a part of the amazing community learning environment he and the team have built has been humbling and exciting. It's a place I feel privileged to be a part of.
My Turing story ends with a plethora of resources that will aid me in my future endeavors. I will have new relationships and new skills that will enable me to contribute substantially to the overall human experience. I will have an incredibly opportunity to give even more than I received from this school. My long-term goal is to create a company that solves an important problem and enhances people's lives. I will create something that becomes more than the original idea, and becomes much bigger than me. To get there I plan to find a job that pays me to learn. I intend to surround myself with a team much smarter and more talented than me, so that I can grow every day that I am employed in this initial role. I hope to eventually reconnect with the students I endured the Turing curriculum with. I will have a valuable bond with these people that will allow us to overcome challenges together, because we already have many times.
Self-confidence and experiences in general will allow me to speak smoothly and fluently about my story and my intentions. An unwavering belief in the goals I set for myslef will resonate with those that hear my story. I need to believe in these goals without a shadow of a doubt for anyone to ever believe in me. I will not filter for my audience, because ultimately if my truth does not resonate with someone then that person is not someone that I should spend more time with. Keeping these larger ideas in mind in simple conversations will help me to be my complete and most honest self.