Commit message generator based on whatthecommit.com

whatthecommit.sh

#!/usr/bin/env sh

usage() {
cat <<EOF
whatthecommit.sh - an offline commit message generator based on whatthecommit.com

usage: $(basename $0) [-h]
	-h  print this help

example: 
	$ git add -A && git commit -m "\$(whatthecommit.sh)"
EOF
}

test "$1" = '-h' && usage && exit 0

whatthecommit() {
	read -r -d '' commits <<-'EOF'
		One does not simply merge into master
		Merging the merge
		Another bug bites the dust
		de-misunderestimating
		add actual words
		I CAN HAZ COMMENTZ.
		giggle.
		Whatever.
		Finished fondling.
		FONDLED THE CODE
		unh
		It works!
		unionfind is no longer being molested.
		Well, it's doing something.
		I'M PUSHING.
		Whee.
		Whee, good night.
		It'd be nice if type errors caused the compiler to issue a type error
		marks
		that coulda been bad
		hoo boy
		It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
		if you're not using et, screw off
		This is a basic implementation that works.
		By works, I meant 'doesnt work'.  Works now..
		Last time I said it works? I was kidding.  Try this.
		Just stop reading these for a while, ok..
		Give me a break, it's 2am.  But it works now.
		Make that it works in 90% of the cases.  3:30.
		Ok, 5am, it works.  For real.
		FOR REAL.
		I don't know what these changes are supposed to accomplish but somebody told me to make them.
		first blush
		So my boss wanted this button ...
		uhhhhhh
		forgot we're not using a smart language
		To those I leave behind, good luck!
		things occurred
		i dunno, maybe this works
		No changes made
		whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
		.
		Friday 5pm
		changes
		A fix I believe, not like I tested or anything
		Useful text
		c&p fail
		syntax
		fix
		just shoot me
		arrrggghhhhh fixed!
		someone fails and it isn't me
		totally more readable
		better grepping
		fix
		fix bug, for realz
		fix /sigh
		Does this work
		MOAR BIFURCATION
		bifurcation
		FIX
		better ignores
		More ignore
		more ignores
		more ignores
		more ignores
		more ignores
		more ignores
		more ignored words
		more fixes
		really ignore ignored worsd
		fixes
		/sigh
		fix
		fail
		pointless limitation
		omg what have I done?
		added super-widget 2.0.
		tagging release w.t.f.
		I can't believe it took so long to fix this.
		I must have been drunk.
		This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.
		This is why git rebase is a horrible horrible thing.
		ajax-loader hotness, oh yeah
		small is a real HTML tag, who knew.
		WTF is this.
		Do things better, faster, stronger
		Use a real JS construct, WTF knows why this works in chromium.
		Added a banner to the default admin page. Please have mercy on me =(
		needs more cow bell
		Switched off unit test X because the build had to go out now and there was no time to fix it properly.
		Updated
		I must sleep... it's working... in just three hours...
		I was wrong...
		Completed with no bugs...
		Fixed a little bug...
		Fixed a bug in NoteLineCount... not seriously...
		woa!! this one was really HARD!
		Made it to compile...
		changed things...
		touched...
		i think i fixed a bug...
		perfect...
		Moved something to somewhere... goodnight...
		oops, forgot to add the file
		Corrected mistakes
		oops
		oops!
		put code that worked where the code that didn't used to be
		Nothing to see here, move along
		I am even stupider than I thought
		I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
		fixed errors in the previous commit
		Committed some changes
		Some bugs fixed
		Minor updates
		Added missing file in previous commit
		bug fix
		typo
		bara bra grejjor
		Continued development...
		Does anyone read this? I'll be at the coffee shop accross the street.
		That's just how I roll
		work in progress
		minor changes
		some brief changes
		assorted changes
		lots and lots of changes
		another big bag of changes
		lots of changes after a lot of time
		LOTS of changes. period
		Test commit. Please ignore
		I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
		I did it for the lulz!
		I'll explain this when I'm sober .. or revert it
		Obligatory placeholder commit message
		A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...
		Fixed the build.
		various changes
		One more time, but with feeling.
		Handled a particular error.
		Fixed unnecessary bug.
		Removed code.
		Added translation.
		Updated build targets.
		Refactored configuration.
		Locating the required gigapixels to render...
		Spinning up the hamster...
		Shovelling coal into the server...
		Programming the flux capacitor
		The last time I tried this the monkey didn't survive. Let's hope it works better this time.
		I should have had a V8 this morning.
		640K ought to be enough for anybody
		pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
		a few bits tried to escape, but we caught them
		Who has two thumbs and remembers the rudiments of his linear algebra courses?  Apparently, this guy.
		workaround for ant being a pile of fail
		Don't push this commit
		rats
		squash me
		fixed mistaken bug
		Final commit, ready for tagging
		-m \'So I hear you like commits ...\'
		epic
		need another beer
		Well the book was obviously wrong.
		lolwhat?
		Another commit to keep my CAN streak going.
		I cannot believe that it took this long to write a test for this.
		TDD: 1, Me: 0
		Yes, I was being sarcastic.
		Apparently works-for-me is a crappy excuse.
		tl;dr
		I would rather be playing SC2.
		Crap. Tonight is raid night and I am already late.
		I know what I am doing. Trust me.
		You should have trusted me.
		Is there an award for this?
		Is there an achievement for this?
		I'm totally adding this to epic win. +300
		This really should not take 19 minutes to build.
		fixed the israeli-palestinian conflict
		SHIT ===> GOLD
		Committing in accordance with the prophecy.
		It compiles! Ship it!
		lol
		Reticulating splines...
		extra debug for stuff module
		debug line test
		debugo
		remove debug<br/>all good
		debug suff
		more debug... who overwrote!
		these confounded tests drive me nuts
		For great justice.
		QuickFix.
		oops - thought I got that one.
		removed echo and die statements, lolz.
		somebody keeps erasing my changes.
		doh.
		pam anderson is going to love me.
		added security.
		arrgghh... damn this thing for not working.
		jobs... steve jobs
		and a comma
		this is my quickfix branch and i will use to do my quickfixes
		Fix my stupidness
		and so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!
		gave up and used tables.
		[Insert your commit message here. Be sure to make it descriptive.]
		Removed test case since code didn't pass QA
		removed tests since i can't make them green
		stuff
		more stuff
		Become a programmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
		Same as last commit with changes
		foo
		just checking if git is working properly...
		fixed some minor stuff, might need some additional work.
		just trolling the repo
		All your codebase are belong to us.
		Somebody set up us the bomb.
		should work I guess...
		To be honest, I do not quite remember everything I changed here today. But it is all good, I tell ya.
		well crap.
		herpderp
		Derp
		derpherp
		Herping the derp
		sometimes you just herp the derp so hard it herpderps
		Derp. Fix missing constant post rename
		Herping the derp right here and now.
		Derp, asset redirection in dev mode
		mergederp
		Derp search/replace
		Herpy dooves.
		Derpy hooves
		derp, helper method rename
		Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)
		Herp derp I left the debug in there and forgot to reset errors.
		Reset error count between rows. herpderp
		hey, what's that over there?!
		hey, look over there!
		It worked for me...
		Does not work.
		Arrrrgggg
		Don’t mess with Voodoo
		I expected something different.
		Todo!!!
		This is supposed to crash
		No changes after this point.
		I know this is not how I’m supposed to do it but I can't think of something better
		Don’t even try to refactor it.
		(c) Microsoft 1988
		Please no changes this time.
		We should delete this crap before shipping.
		ALL SORTS OF THINGS
		Herpderp, shoulda check if it does really compile.
		I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
		Major fixup.
		less french words
		breathe, =, breathe
		IEize
		this doesn't really make things faster, but I tried
		this should fix it
		forgot to save that file
		spit + prayers
		Argh! About to give up :(
		Blaming regex.
		oops
		it's friday
		yo recipes
		Not sure why
		lol reddit
		lol roddit
		grrrr
		For real, this time.
		Feed. You. Stuff. No time.
		DEAL WITH IT
		commit
		tunning
		I really should've committed this when I finished it...
		It's getting hard to keep up with the crap I've trashed
		I honestly wish I could remember what was going on here...
		I must enjoy torturing myself
		For the sake of my sanity, just ignore this...
		That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one
		My bad
		Still can't get this right...
		Nitpicking about alphabetizing methods, minor OCD thing
		Committing fixes in the dark, seriously, who killed my power!?
		You can't see it, but I'm making a very angry face right now
		Fix the fixes
		It's secret!
		Commit committed....
		No time to commit.. My people need me!
		Something fixed
		I'm hungry
		asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfadsf
		hmmm
		formatted all
		Replace all whitespaces with tabs.
		I'm too foo for this bar
		Things went wrong...
		??! what the ...
		This solves it.
		Working on tests (haha)
		last minute fixes.
		should work now.
		final commit.
		done. going to bed now.
		buenas those-things.
		Your commit is writing checks your merge can't cash.
		This branch is so dirty, even your mom can't clean it.
		wip
		Revert "just testing, remember to revert"
		bla
		harharhar
		restored deleted entities just to be sure
		added some filthy stuff
		bugger
		lol
		oopsie B|
		Copy pasta fail. still had a instead of a
		Now added delete for real
		grmbl
		move your body every every body
		Trying to fake a conflict
		And a commit that I don't know the reason of...
		ffs
		that's all folks
		apparently i did something…
		bump to 0.0.3-dev:wq
		cause I fell like doing a barrel roll
		after of this commit remember do a git reset hard
		magic, have no clue but it works
		I am sorry
		dirty hack, have a better idea ?
		 - Temporary commit.
		:(:(
		...
		GIT :/
		stopped caring 10 commits ago
		Testing in progress ;)
		Fixed Bug
		Fixed errors
		Push poorly written test can down the road another ten years
		commented out failing tests
		I'm human
		TODO: write meaningful commit message
		Pig
		did everything
		I'm allergic to changes...
		making this thing actually usable.
		I was told to leave it alone, but I have this thing called OCD, you see
		Whatever will be, will be 8{
		#GrammarNazi
		Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!
		Hide those navs, boi!
		Who knows...
		Who knows WTF?!
		I should get a raise for this.
		Done, to whoever merges this, good luck.
		Not one conflict, today was a good day.
		First Blood
		One little whitespace gets its very own commit! Oh, life is so erratic!
		EOF
	echo "$commits" | shuf -n 1
}

whatthecommit && exit 0