Random BOFH excuse.

BOFHexcuse.class.php

<?php
/*
    Random BOFH excuse.

    Credit to Jeff Ballard <ballard%cs.wisc.edu> for the original 
    "The Bastard Operator From Hell"-style excuse server.
    See http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofh/ for more info.
*/
//defined('SYSPATH') or die('No direct script access.');
class BOFHexcuse {

    public $header;
    public $body;
    private $excuse;
    const EXCUSES_FILE = '/var/local/bofh-excuses.txt';
    const FORTUNE_CMD  = '/usr/games/fortune -s -u';
    const FORTUNE_PATH = '/usr/share/games/fortunes/bofh-excuses';

    function __construct($from = '') {
        $this->excuse = array();
        if ($from == 'fortune') {
            $this->fromFortune();
        } else {
            $this->fromFile();
        }
        $this->header = htmlspecialchars($this->excuse[0]);
        $this->body = htmlspecialchars($this->excuse[1]);
    }

    private function fromFile() {
        try {
            if (!$excuses = @file(self::EXCUSES_FILE))
                throw new Exception("Error: Couldn't read file.");

            $i = mt_rand(0, count($excuses)-1);
            $this->excuse[0] = 'BOFH excuse #' . ($i+1) . ':';
            $this->excuse[1] = $excuses[$i];
        } catch (Exception $e) {
            echo $e->getMessage();
        }
    }

    private function fromFortune() {
        /* You must have fortunes and fortunes-bofh-excuses in your system. */
        try {
            exec(self::FORTUNE_CMD . ' ' . self::FORTUNE_PATH, $f, $err);
            if($err > 0) {
                throw new Exception("Error while executing command ($err).");
            }
            $this->excuse = array_values(array_filter($f));
        } catch (Exception $e) {
            echo $e->getMessage();
        }
    }
}
?>