Salmon Recipe of Great justice

SalmonFTW.md

Here's my 'Very Good Easy Salmon' recipe, that I stole from Casey's exgirlfriend Adriana's Mom, and am now composing from memory. It's quite foolproof, which is to say, still somewhat tasty when screwed up, and easy to tweak. You shouldn't have difficulty improving it on your first try.

Very Good Easy Salmon

Makes: 1 hungry college student meal, and one delicious drunken midnight snack or 4 standard human equivalent portions. Time to completion: like maybe an hour, including shopping for ingredients.

• Pacific Northwest Industry Standard Filet of Salmon (If bears and First Nations aren't it's main predators, you probably got the wrong kind.)

• ~tsp juice of lemon

• 1/2 cup soy sauce

• 1/2 stick of butter

• 3-4 cloves of garlic

• ~3ft aluminium foil

• small saucepan

• oven, or preferably grill. For oven: oven mitts, optional: pizza insertion board.*

• (optional) water basin

• knife

• hammering implement, or that knife

• spoon

0. Preheat oven to 400º or start grill. Gather ingredients (~5-7 minutes.) Read instructions. Some exclusions may apply. Do not taunt Very Good Easy Salmon.

1. Build the Boat: Measure foil to salmon, allowing ~1-2in margin. Double that for strength. Fold foil in half, and bend edges up vertically around the filet to form your Viking Craft of Terror. Fold over creases for strength. Queue Immigrant Song. Optional: place in water basin to test for seaworthiness.

2. First sip of wine. Did you remember to preheat the oven? If not, reset Immigrant Song, go to Step 0, feel shame.

3. Chop butter into small slices and melt in small saucepan, pour in soy sauce and lemon. When "Hammer of the gooods" is sung, crush the garlic with the hammering implement or a standard kitchen knife. Dice if necessary.

4. Second sip of wine while letting saucepan come barely to liquefaction, mix in garlic. Place salmon filet into Viking Terror Boat, scales down.

5. Immigrant song finishes, pour molten sauce over filet. Grill: Place loaded Terror Craft onto hot grill, cover and heat for ~10 minutes til more orange than pink in center of thickest section, checking via twisted-knife wound for done-ness. Remove when done.
   Oven: Place loaded Terror Craft into heated oven using bare hands and the Double Three-Finger-Pinchy Long Gorrila Arms maneuver*, being extra super careful to not burn your forearms. Remember the scars from last attempt. Close, and bake for ~20 minutes. Check via knife-wound for doneness when impatient. Turn to broil for 2 minutes when done baking to add a tiny crisp, simulating grill. Wish extra hard for a grill. Open oven, don oven mitt, nip at the near corner of the foil, trying to coax it toward your self, along the longitudinal lines of least resistance of the oven rack. Be gentle. The double foil can take one rip, but not two. As half of the boat is out, gently place on second oven mitt to balance, while using long gorilla arms to cat-tap the remaining portion out of the oven. Place on top of oven for plating.

6. Plate in equal portions, with skin; because it's buttery and delicious and I don't care if anyone else says its gross - I can't keep that joy from them with good conscience; ladling extra remaining sauce over each portion. Try to get a clove or so worth of garlic bits on per-person. Make sure significant other gets the most garlic, because that's what love is.

Serve with: Blackwood Canyon Rose

-TJ

• Double Three-Finger-Pinchy Long Gorrila Arms maneuver: Open oven. Grab the folded foil creases of both short ends of boat with pointer, middle, and thumb. The goal is to hold 4 creases with 6 fingers, and to have your hands horizontal with, rather than above, the boat. Extend one arm out the length of the boat, so that boat is positioned longitudinally with regard to your trunk. Notice the similarity to crane kungfu style. Think about how hotshit you are. Horizontally insert boat into oven very carefully and very steadily, attempting to put the projecting arm entirely into the hot oven. Gently release when centered, and remove arms very carefully and very steadily. Endure 5-6 horizontal burn marks on forearms when you fail and involuntarily flinch back and forth between the racks on your way out. Optional Grill or pizza insertion board completely mitigate this risk. But wheres the challenge in that? I've only failed about one in 10 times, so on the whole, it's a totally optimal highly suggested procedure.