Understanding Engineers

engineers.txt

Comprehending Engineers - Take One:   Two engineering students were walking 
across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The 
second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own 
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to 
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The 
second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably 
wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two:  To the optimist, the glass is half full. 
To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice 
as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three:   A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were 
waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer 
fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!  
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with 
him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? 
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, 
that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our 
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free 
anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so 
sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, 
"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if 
there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these 
guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four:   There was an engineer who had an 
exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company 
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the 
company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were 
having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried 
everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.  In 
desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of 
their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He 
spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a 
small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, 
"This is where your problem is".  The part was replaced and the machine 
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the 
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his 
charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark, $1.  Knowing where 
to put it, $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in 
peace.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five:   What is the difference between 
Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six:   Three engineering students were gathered 
together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It 
was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, 
it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of 
electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.  
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven:   "Normal people ... believe that if it 
ain't broke, don't fix it."  Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it 
doesn't have enough features yet.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight:   An architect, an artist and an engineer 
were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a 
mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid 
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time 
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.  The 
engineer said, "I like both."  "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife 
and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other 
woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine:  An engineer was crossing a road one day 
when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a 
beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his 
pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back 
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer 
took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, 
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the 
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog 
asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that 
I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss 
me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a 
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

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