RFC 9000 - Telepathy Transport Protocol (TTP/1.0) (written by ChatGPT o3)

rfc9000.txt

Network Working Group                                     J. Assistant
Request for Comments: 9000                               OpenAI Comedy
Category: Experimental                                    1 April 2025

                   Telepathy Transport Protocol
                          Version 1.0
                           (TTP/1.0)

Status of This Memo

This memo provides information to the Internet community. It does
not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of this
memo is unlimited, unless the reader is wearing a certified tinfoil
hat, in which case reception is attenuated by up to 37 dB.

Abstract

This document defines the Telepathy Transport Protocol (TTP/1.0), a
lightweight, header‑rich protocol that enables the direct exchange of
subjective experience between two or more consenting cerebral hosts.
By leveraging quantum‑entangled empathy pairs (QEEP) and the
Internet Cerebral Protocol Suite (ICPS), TTP/1.0 offers RTTs
approaching zero nanoseconds (± one epiphany). Implementation is left
as an exercise to the left hemisphere.

Table of Contents

1. Introduction ...............................................  3

2. Terminology ................................................  4

3. Protocol Overview ..........................................  5

4. Transport Layer Considerations .............................  7

5. Message Format .............................................  9

6. Control Messages ........................................... 12

7. Security Considerations .................................... 14

8. IANA Considerations ........................................ 15

9. Acknowledgments ............................................ 16

10. References ................................................ 17


1. Introduction

Since the dawn of humanity, the desire to share thoughts without
moving lips has been limited only by physics, prudence, and certain
court orders. Previous attempts at telepathic networking relied on
unreliable carriers such as dream journals and social media. TTP/1.0
formalizes the implicit protocol already in experimental use between
twins, author–editor pairs, and cats at 3 a.m.

2. Terminology

Brainwave (BW):      A unit of raw mental energy, approximately one
caffeinated aha‑moment.

Thought Datagram:    The atomic payload of TTP, encoding a single
fully formed idea, notion, or nagging doubt.

Cerebral Interface:  Any hardware or wetware capable of emitting or
absorbing thoughts at Layer 7. Examples include
EEG headsets and that one friend who always
finishes your sentences.

Psychic Checksum:    A 32‑bit field containing the sum of all hopes
and fears in the datagram, modulo Zen.

3. Protocol Overview

TTP/1.0 operates above the Sub‑Conscious Control Protocol (SCP) and
below Higher‑Order Language Expressions (HOLE). Connections are
established via a three‑wink handshake:

  SYN  — Sender manifests intent.
  SYN? — Receiver wonders, "Did you just…?"
  SYN! — Mutual realisation and mild embarrassment.

Upon completion, peers may exchange Thought Datagrams until one party
issues a FINite Patience (FIN‑P) signal.

4. Transport Layer Considerations

4.1  Reliability

Because thoughts are notoriously slippery, TTP uses Positive
Reinforcement Acknowledgments (PR‑ACKs). A PR‑ACK consists of
smiling and nodding vigorously until the sender is satisfied.

4.2  Congestion Control

To prevent cranial buffer overflow (commonly called "mind blown"),
receivers MUST implement Thought Window Adjustment (TWA). The
default window size is equivalent to five simultaneous shower
thoughts.

5.  Message Format

  0                   1                   2                   3
  0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
 +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
 |   Psi‑Level   |T|E|R| Reserved|        Psychic Checksum       |
 +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
 |                     Thought Identifier                        |
 +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
 |                                                               |
 ~                         Idea Payload                          ~
 |                                                               |
 +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  Psi‑Level:      Empathic intensity (0 = whisper, 15 = overshare).
  T, E, R flags:  Telepathic, Empathic, Recursive. All set to 1 for
                  particularly deep thoughts.
  Reserved:       For future regrets.

6.  Control Messages

6.1  RST‑M (Reset Memory)

Instructs a peer to forget the last packet. Equivalent to saying
"Never mind, forget I said anything." MUST be followed by awkward
silence of at least 2 seconds.

6.2  404 THOUGHT NOT FOUND

Returned when a referenced idea was lost mid‑sentence.

7.  Security Considerations

TTP/1.0 is vulnerable to Man‑in‑the‑Middle Earworms (MitME), wherein
an attacker inserts a catchy jingle that persists for days. All
implementations SHOULD provide noise‑canceling neurons and regular
mental hygiene.

8. IANA Considerations

IANA is requested to allocate UDP port 0xBRAIN and the IPv8 address
family for exclusive TTP use. No conflicts are expected, because
nobody else believes any of this.

9. Acknowledgments

The author thanks telepaths worldwide who agreed to peer‑review this
document simultaneously at 14:00 UTC last Thursday, purely by
thinking about it.

10. References

[RFC1149]  Waits, D., "A Standard for the Transmission of IP
Datagrams on Avian Carriers", April 1990.

[MINDREAD] Trelawney, S., "Practical Telepathy and Other Bad Ideas",
Divination Quarterly, Vol. 42, 2003.

Author's Address

J. Assistant
OpenAI Comedy Department
123 Quantum Loop
San Francisco, CA 94110
EMail: ttp‑[email protected]