Because I work on AI, people sometimes email/DM me and ask for a meeting to discuss their ideas about a paper/project. I already have a lot on my plate so collaborating with them is not an option. Still, I often read their messages and agree to chat, despite having a tight schedule. Sometimes the conversation goes like this:
- Them: Can we talk sometime this week?
- Me: Sure, how does Friday 2pm sound?
- Them: Can we do it earlier, like 11am?
- Me: I can’t, there’s a seminar I have to go to.
- Them: Okay, 2pm actually works for me.
At this point, they’ve already shown their disrespect for my time: 2pm would work for them but they prioritized their convenience over mine. But it gets worse: these people typically then ask me to send them a calendar invite or Zoom link!
- Them: Can you send a Zoom/Calendar invite?
I’m like, WTF? 🤯 So now I must do some extra work just because you want to meet me?
You want to meet me, not the other way around. You should be doing the work!
This request is already the second strike, and since I’m a nice person I tell them something like:
- Please feel free to send me a link for Teams/Zoom on Friday at 2pm.
But you know what? Sometimes they go ahead and begrudgingly send the freaking link, only for me to realize they used the wrong time zone!
- Them: sends a calendar invite for 2pm their time.
This is the third strike because it shows complete lack of respect for the other person. If you want to meet with someone, don’t assume that they’re talking in your time zone. I should already ignore this person and move on, but I’m too nice to do that so I try to correct them by saying something along the lines of:
- Me: Your invite is 2pm your time, could you fix that?
And their response is:
- I don’t know about the time difference, please send me a link any time between 11am to 1pm.
Again, they’re talking in their time zone! So let me get this straight: You want to meet me, but you expect me to look you up to see where you live, then caldulate the time zone difference, then create a Zoom/Calendar link and share it with you?
Too many red flags; I ignore them while asking myself “Why did I even open their first message?”
Just because you’re a nice and sociable person shouldn’t give people the impression that they can take advantage of you. As GTA 2 taught us: “Respect is Everything”. If someone shows disrespect, it’s usually a sign of poor personal culture and selfish behavior. My personal rule is:
If you want to meet with someone, be flexible with time and make sure to send them the calendar/Zoom invite link in their time zone. Show some respect!
I love Louis’ stand-up comedy shows and even went to one in Ohio with my friend. Louis has an effective (and funny) way of reminding us that we can give fewer fucks when interacting with people:
Them: tells you to say/do something Louis: Fuck you, I don’t have to do anything!
This reminds me of a Quora post I read a few years back where someone said:
Technically and legally, when someone knocks on your door, you don’t have to answer!
It’s crazy how as a society we just assume things should be the way they are without going: “But why?”. Who says that I must respond to an email? Is it because we think not doing so will have us punished in some way? For all I know, I could have ignored the email (and the subsequent LinkedIn message) of that person and avoided wasting my time with this futile conversation. Maybe next time I should simply trash such emails.
Sure, but w/o them the assumption should be that I'm talking in my own time zone. Obviously if you receive a meeting request and say "I'm free at 2pm" it doesn't imply that you checked the sender's time zone and converted the time!