speak.rb

#! /usr/bin/env ruby
# Some of the words are misspelled to help the say program pronounce them right
#
# copy the following line and paste for fun!
#   curl -O https://gist.githubusercontent.com/mrinterweb/0ed2ac30a97e25e03fad/raw/5da7c2a012a08cfcc9649e0f410d53f8986e4990/speak.rb && mv speak.rb speak && chmod a+x speak && ./speak

def envlist(name, &default)
  results = (ENV["SPEAK_#{name.to_s.upcase}"] || "").split(":")
  results.empty? ? default.call : results
end

greetings = envlist(:greetings) { [
  'ahoy', 
  'greeting',
  'saalutations',
  'waazame',
  'bleep booop',
  'exceslior',
  'land hoe',
  'hail',
] }
names = envlist(:names) { [
  `whoami`,
  'Govna',
  'captain',
  'boss',
  'cheef',
  'over loard',
  'dragon commander',
  'your excellence',
] }
statuses = envlist(:statuses) { [
  'all done here',
  'works done',
  'bingo!',
  'hazaa',
  'flip Yeah',
  'get back to work',
  'all systems go',
] }

str = "#{greetings.sample}, #{names.sample}!   #{statuses.sample}"

if RUBY_PLATFORM =~ /linux/i
  `echo "#{str}" | espeak`
else
  voices = envlist(:voices) {
    # get a list of all possible voices
    `say -v \? | cut -d " " -f1`.split("\n")
  }
  `say -v#{voices.sample} #{str}`
end

 SPEAK_VOICES="Trinoids" SPEAK_GREETINGS="Bloop:Blop:Beep:Bop:Doop" SPEAK_NAMES="Bloop:Bop:Beep:Blop:Doop" SPEAK_STATUSES="get back to work" speak.rb