from A Mind-Body Look at the Concept of Asperger's Syndrome (pdf) by Michael Samsel, LMHC
Say What You Want Directly and Plainly. Don't hint, don't understate. Spell out expectations.
Allow and Accept Asynchrony in Communication. For instance, let an exchange play out in email, even if you both live in the same house. In this case any delay does not take over as the subject of discussion, as it tends to in attempts at synchronous (face-to-face) discussion. After all, people tolerate asynchrony in internet shopping or judicial proceedings, in the interest of getting a better product.
Make Social Occasions Fairly Short and Fix Upon a Duration. Open-ended social situations tend to provoke shutdown in the aspie for self-protection. A time limited foray is a manageable task.
Smirking, Sniggering, Rolling Eyes, and 'Knowing Glances' to Other Neuro-typicals are Demeaning and Not Helpful. If you think something is inappropriate, in intensity or content, or that the point is being missed, simply say so.
Weave Concrete Tasks Into Socializing. This will provide some interest and orientation for the aspie. It can be agreed ahead of time that the concrete task cannot dominate the experience, if that is a concern. On the other hand, think of an Amish barn raising.
Touch the Aspie the way they want to be touched, which is usually firm pressure and not friction or light touch. In turn the aspie will come to understand touching you the way way you want to be touched.
Don't Force Immediate Choices: Rather describe what is available, how it may be accessed, and allow the aspies to unobtrusively take what they will. For instance, instead of saying, “Do you want x, or y, or both?” say “X is available, and Y is available too, and this is where they are.” The former forces the aspie to speak definitively to as to his or her desire. This is often a stopper. The latter just provides options. In AS, having options is well-understood whereas desire is not. Buffet settings are ideal for this. By all means, avoid an open-ended “What would you like” which usually precipitates a crisis in the aspie who does not want to risk asking for something not available.
Wait Through What Seems Like Long Pauses or Gaps: There is usually a very high quality response at the end of it. If the response really needs to be immediate, ask someone else, or don't ask.
Directly ask the Aspie to Number a 'Satisfaction' or 'Upset' level. For instance, “1” could mean very satisfied with the way things are going, and “5” could mean extremely upset by he way things are going. This will help avoid 'incidents' out of the blue. By concentrating on arousal and intensity, it avoids the more subjective qualitative aspects of emotion.