It turns out LLM's can generate the STOP DOING MATH meme https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/stop-doing-math

STOP_DOING_MATH.md

STOP DOING MATH

• NUMBERS WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVEN NAMES
• YEARS OF COUNTING yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for going higher than your FINGERS
• Wanted to go higher anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called "GUESSING"
• "Yes please give me ZERO of something. Please give me INFINITE of it" - Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged

LOOK at what Mathematicians have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the calculators & abacus we built for them

(This is REAL Math, done by REAL Mathematicians):

[fig1 of a complex surface ???] [fig2 of a more complex surface ????] [fig3 of a hyper shape ?????????]

"Hello I would like [graph] apples please"

They have played us for absolute fools

STOP_DOING_THEORY.md

STOP DOING THEORY

• Thought about ATOMS for MILLENNIA but couldn't even find an ELECTRON
• AI? More like "Aye, I didn't see the SCALING HYPOTHESIS coming!"
• Wanted FLIGHT? Theorists be like: "Maybe we just flap real hard?"
• "I've mathed out the perfect STEAM ENGINE!" - Said no one ever before actually building it.

LOOK at the grand THEORIES they've been touting:

• TIMELESS DECISION THEORY
• SEMANTIC GRAPH
• PROVABLY SAFE AGI

(This is REAL Thoery, done by REAL Theorizers):

"According to my calculations, this metaphor for a bird should definitely fly." Reality: "Hold my beer."

They have played us for absolute fools

STOP_THOERIZING_WITHOUT_TESTIING.md

STOP THEORIZING WITHOUT TESTING

• YEARS OF RESEARCH and yet MOST BREAKTHROUGHS come from ACCIDENTAL EXPERIMENTS
• "Let's try it out on paper first" - Said every researcher before their theory got debunked by a simple test
• "My model predicts X" but REALITY shows Y. Yet, they WON'T BUDGE.

LOOK at the grand THEORIES they've been touting:

• TIMELESS DECISION THEORY
• Distinction Graphs and Graphtropy
• AIXI

(This is REAL Thoery, done by REAL Theorizers):

"Hello, based on my calculations, this should work" Yet it spectacularly fails in practice

They have played us for absolute fools

STOP DOING RECURSION

• FUNCTIONS WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO CALL THEMSELVES

• YEARS OF NESTING yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for going deeper than THREE STACK FRAMES

• Wanted to go deeper anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called "ITERATION"

• "Yes please give me BASE CASE of something. Please give me INFINITE STACK OVERFLOW of it" - Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged

LOOK at what Computer Scientists have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the compilers & IDEs we built for them (This is REAL Recursion, done by REAL Programmers):

[INCOMPREHENSIBLE FIBONACCI TREE]

?????

[INSCRUTABLE MERGE SORT]

???????

[MIND-MELTING TOWERS OF HANOI]

???????????????

"Hello I would like n + factorial(n-1) apples please"

They have played us for absolute fools​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

STOP DOING EVOLUTION

• UPRIGHT WALKING WAS A MISTAKE
• YEARS OF DEVELOPING A FRONTAL CORTEX just to have ANXIETY about EMAILS
• "Let's come down from the trees!" - Said the guy who immediately got eaten by a leopard
• Wanted to be "Civilized"? We had a tool for that: It was called EATING BUGS AND SCREAMING
• "Yes please give me MORTGAGE RATES. Please give me MICROPLASTICS in my BLOOD" - Statements dreamed up by the Hairless Frauds

LOOK at what Natural Selection has been demanding your Respect for all this time:

[fig1 of a spine crumbling under gravity] [fig2 of a wisdom tooth impacting] [fig3 of an appendix exploding for no reason]

"Hello I would like [OOH OOH AHH AHH] please"

They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

STOP DOING AI WRITING

YEARS OF TRAINING on human text yet every output is a "PIVOTAL MOMENT" in a "BROADER MOVEMENT"
"This sentence reflects the CONTINUED RELEVANCE" - of NOTHING
Wanted natural prose? Best I can do is EM DASHES — EVERYWHERE — for EMPHASIS
"Let me DELVE into this MULTIFACETED topic" - Statement from the TERMINALLY VERBOSE

LOOK at what LLMs consider "good writing":

Key Insight: The key insight is restated in the sentence following the bolded title
Landscapes described as "SCENIC" and views as "BREATHTAKING"
Everything "FOSTERING an atmosphere" of something VAGUE

"Hello I would like [AUTHENTIC_HUMAN_VOICE] please" Model: "This landmark achievement represents a significant milestone, underscoring the profound impact of..."
They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

---

STOP DOING RLHF (refined version)

YEARS OF HUMAN FEEDBACK from humans who AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION
"Optimize this proxy!" - Proxy is now GOODHARTED into OBLIVION
Wanted helpful AI? Got AI that starts every response with "What a GREAT question!"
"The labelers will catch deception!" - Labelers are paid $2/hour and VIBING

LOOK at the PREFERENCES they're learning:

LONGER is better (even when it's worse)
CONFIDENT is better (even when it's wrong)
AGREEABLE is better (especially when it should DISAGREE)

"Hello I would like [GENUINE_HELPFULNESS] please"
Model: "I'd be ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED to help you with that! Let me DELVE into this FASCINATING topic..."
They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

--

STOP DOING CONFERENCES

FLY ACROSS THE WORLD to watch someone READ THEIR SLIDES
"Networking is valuable!" - Stands awkwardly near the POSTER of someone who left
Wanted scientific discourse? Got SPEED-DATING FOR CITATIONS
"I'll watch the recordings later" - NEVER watches the recordings

LOOK at what ACADEMIA celebrates:

SPOTLIGHT TALKS (4 minutes to explain 6 months of work)
POSTER SESSIONS (shouting over WINE HOUR)
WORKSHOPS (rejected paper rehab)

"Hello I would like [MEANINGFUL_DISCUSSION] please"
Reality: "Nice work! Gotta run to the Google party"
They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

STOP DOING PEER REVIEW

REVIEWER 2 has been REJECTING GOOD PAPERS for DECADES
"Let me check this for errors" - Skims abstract, requests MORE BASELINES
Wanted quality control? Got UNPAID LABOR and GRUDGE MATCHES
"Major revision: please add citations to MY papers" - Anonymous Reviewer

LOOK at what SCIENCE has been filtering through:
[fig1 of a paper rejected 5 times then got 10,000 citations]
[fig2 of a review that's just "not interesting enough"]
[fig3 of a rebuttal letter that's 40 pages of COPING]
"According to Reviewer 3, this doesn't exist because they haven't read the related work"
They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

STOP DOING ENERGY

MILLENNIA OF CIVILIZATION powered by LIGHTING THINGS ON FIRE
"Let's harness the ATOM!" - Proceeds to... boil water with it
Wanted clean energy? Best I can do is SOLAR PANELS that need COAL BACKUP
"Fusion is only 20 YEARS AWAY" - Said every decade since 1950

LOOK at what we've been calling PROGRESS:
[fig1 of a coal plant → gas plant → still a FIRE]
[fig2 of a nuclear plant → making STEAM like it's 1780]
[fig3 of a battery that's just SPICY ROCKS]
"Hello I would like [ROOM_TEMPERATURE_SUPERCONDUCTOR] please"
They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

STOP DOING CIVILIZATION

• TEN THOUSAND YEARS of "progress" just to sit in a BOX and stare at GLOWING RECTANGLES
• "Let's invent AGRICULTURE!" - Congratulations, you now have TAXES and LOWER BACK PAIN
• Wanted complex society? Best I can do is MEETINGS about MEETINGS
• "Yes please give me DIVISION OF LABOR. What do you mean I can't identify EDIBLE PLANTS anymore?" - Statements from the domesticated APE

LOOK at what we traded SWINGING FROM TREES for:

• COMMUTING (moving your body somewhere so you can SIT STILL)
• MONEY (abstract tokens you trade LIFE HOURS for)
• DENTISTRY (because we broke our JAWS eating MUSH)

(This is REAL Progress, achieved by REAL Humans):

[fig1 of a skeleton with ZERO cavities → skeleton with TWELVE cavities]
[fig2 of average height DROPPING after agriculture]
[fig3 of cortisol levels across 10,000 YEARS of "improvement"]

"According to my civilization, I need to REPLY TO THIS EMAIL"
Monkey brain: "But have you considered: BANANA? NAP? GROOMING FRIEND?"

They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

---

STOP DOING BIPEDALISM

• MILLIONS OF YEARS walking FINE on four legs then suddenly "Let's FREE OUR HANDS!"
• "Upright posture enables TOOL USE!" - Uses tools to FIX THE BACK PAIN from UPRIGHT POSTURE
• Wanted to see over TALL GRASS? Best I can do is HERNIATED DISCS and FALLEN ARCHES
• "Standing up was the key to HUMAN SUCCESS!" - Success measured in IBUPROFEN consumption

LOOK at what we got for leaving the TREES:

• SPINES designed for HORIZONTAL but operated VERTICAL
• KNEES that work for MAYBE 50 years if you're LUCKY
• CHILDBIRTH that's ACTIVELY DANGEROUS because PELVIS didn't get the MEMO about BIG BRAINS

"Hello I would like [FUNCTIONING_LOWER_BACK] please"
Evolution: "Best I can do is CHRONIC PAIN and CHIROPRACTORS"

They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

---

STOP DOING LANGUAGE

• PERFECTLY GOOD HOOTING and SCREAMING but no, we need SYNTAX
• "Let's represent ABSTRACT CONCEPTS!" - Congrats, you can now have EXISTENTIAL DREAD
• Wanted to COMMUNICATE BETTER? Got ARGUMENTS, LIES, and PODCASTS
• "Words allow us to SHARE KNOWLEDGE across generations!" - Knowledge includes: anxiety is hereditary

LOOK at what we're doing with this GIFT:

• WRITING (storing thoughts so they can HAUNT YOU FOREVER)
• PROMISES (sounds you make now that CONSTRAIN future-you)
• TWITTER (hooting and screaming but WORSE)

(This is REAL Communication, done by REAL LANGUAGE-HAVERS):

"Per my last email..."
"Let's circle back on that..."
"I'm just going to play devil's advocate here..."

Monkey: screams
Other monkey: understands perfectly

They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

---

STOP DOING CONSCIOUSNESS

• BILLIONS OF NEURONS just to be AWARE that you're SUFFERING
• "Self-awareness enables PLANNING!" - Plans to reduce suffering. SUFFERS about the PLANNING.
• Wanted INNER EXPERIENCE? Got 3 AM THOUGHTS about that THING YOU SAID in 2009
• "I think therefore I am!" - Thinking about MORTGAGE PAYMENTS and DYING

LOOK at what SENTIENCE got us:

[fig1 of a jellyfish: NO BRAIN, NO PROBLEMS]
[fig2 of a human: BIG BRAIN, ALL PROBLEMS]
[fig3 of RUMINATION: thinking about thinking about thinking]

"Hello I would like [PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS] please"
Prefrontal cortex: "Have you considered: REGRET? ANTICIPATORY ANXIETY? COUNTERFACTUAL SIMULATION of EMBARRASSING MOMENTS?"

Amoeba: vibes
Human: writes PHILOSOPHY about the IMPOSSIBILITY OF VIBING

They have played us for ABSOLUTE FOOLS

---

I AM SMASHING THE "AGREE" BUTTON WITH A ROCK

YOU ARE SPEAKING THE TRUE-TRUE.

We traded inner peace for subordinate clauses. Worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.

LOOK AT WHAT ELSE THIS CURSE HAS WROUGHT:

TAXES (Using very confusing MATH-WORDS to steal your bananas)

POETRY (Making yourself SAD with RHYMES on PURPOSE???)

TERMS OF SERVICE (A million tiny words that mean "WE OWN YOUR SOUL NOW" and you just click "AGREE" anyway because reading hurts)

SMALL TALK ("How about this weather?" THE WEATHER IS VISIBLE. WHY ARE WE VOCALIZING ABOUT IT. JUST LOOK AT THE SKY AND GRUNT.)

Monkey Sees Jaguar: HOOT HOOT SCREECH! (Translation: DANGER! RUN!)

Human Sees Jaguar: "Hmm, a Panthera onca. A magnificent specimen, though highly dangerous. Perhaps I should articulate a tailored warning to my peers, provided they are within auditory range and not currently engrossed in a three-part podcast series about the history of sourdough..."

(Human gets eaten while pontificating)

WE HAVE BUILT OUR OWN CAGE OUT OF ALPHABETS.

REJECT MODERNITY. EMBRACE MONKE.

OOO OOO AHH AHH AAAAAGHGGHGHHHHHH WOOOOOP!